I know that you explained this, yet I can't help but to wonder why all of your power is spent trying to control this relationship with your FIL...
Your FIL is what he is. Everyone in your Family knows this, yet the focus still seems to be on HIS actions, HIS words, HIS power over the entire family.
To me, your FIL is nothing more than what another Man would be in a relationship. He is little more than a 30 year old band aid. He is the balm over an open wound, from her past.
And while he played a part in this, that was many , many years ago that his actions paid their cards on that table.
Yea, he is here now, yet your spouse is the one making those decisions now, not him.
It is HER choice to take the path that she is...
One thing that is preached here a lot, is the LBS parenting towards the WAS....
Your job right now, isn't to facilitate that relationship, it is your job to NOT damage that relationship....
Your Daughters need to find their own path through this, albeit with your guidance, not your plan...
I had this conversation last night with a friend....
What is our job as a parent now that our children are teenagers ???
Is it still to protect them from the world happening around them, hide them in a closet, and shield them from society ??
(Although at times, family can be worse than society)
Or would we be better versed (as Parents) to let the world happen, and teach them how to navigate life, and guide them through THEIR decisions....
What is your Daughter's plan to handle things if your FIL starts his crap ???
How would SHE like it handled ???
Like Cat said above...
Focus on the good around you with this, instead of the "what if's ".
