I'm so shocked and heartbroken , this can't be rea

[soldier]

Hello rsl1034. I can see that you are very disturbed and frustrated right now. The truth is that both you and your W are dealing with big stuff right now. She may show you a cold and calculated posture to your face but make no mistake no one goes through these types of things without feeling it deep inside. What you don’t know and what you cannot no or control is exactly how this is effecting her. This is why it is said to not believe any of what a WAS say’s and less than 50 percent of what they do. I know this is hard but mind reading is going to kill you slowly and in the process kill your chance at a positive outcome with this. Unfortunately, at the point in which we find ourselves here, none of us have sure bets but we are trying to raise our probability as high as possible and mitigate risk in the process.

I am not a Vet on these forums but I am not sure that asking your W to leave is the best approach. My thought is that if she is willing to stay then this gives you more contact to show her your actions. Now you need to understand that this does not mean to rub your change in her face but I am simply saying that she will not notice as much if she cuts her exposure to you drastically. Here is the tough part. You still need to give her all of the space that she needs and while she stays in the same house this is much trickier. Your total focus right now IMO should be all about you and getting yourself right. Do this all in secret. These changes need to be for you and you alone. If you read a self-help book then don’t let her see the book directly but instead let her notice the actual changes in you. These changes are actions and they will speak more profoundly then anything you could possible say to your W right now.

On the subject of talk, I know everything in your being is telling you to speak out from your heart to your W. Know and understand that right now everything you tell her from your heart is driving another nail into the coffin of your M. Every time you go to say something to your W from your heart you should stop and say to yourself “this isn't going to work right now but there may be time for this later”. When you have something that you need to say and you can’t hold it back then you come here and say it or you type it in a word document. I fit is here then feel free to submit it as it is therapeutically to know that you told someone. If it is in the word document then re-read it until you can get over it and delete the file. Some print these letters before deleting so as to burn them again for therapy.

Well it isn't much but it was my two cents and I hope something in this is helpful. Keep up the good fight and don’t give up. It is far from over my friend.