Magic, He's basically told you how he sees himself. Red Flags? I would say that his comment was enlightening. Now, what you think about his comment is up to you...but you now know how he sees himself and yes, he's being truthful about the sharing part.
Where are you in settling up your financial stuff? Did you ever go back and visit with your accountant? You had questions that needed to be answered.
What are you going to do? Are you going to speak up and ask questions or sit there w/your head in the sand? This latest action affects you as well, i.e., since you are a part of the business.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
NO.. I am pushing forward on getting our finances settled. I just don't know who to finalize it with.... do I see a business lawyer or family lawyer? Since this is a mutual agreement, do I need to bother with independent lawyers or can we just take it to one lawyer to be signed?
Yes...he is very selfish and admits it. So, now I can see him for who he is. He is not wanting to share a business opportunity with me... he wants it for himself. He was also trying to save me from putting all my money into a possible money pit. He was also trying to save our business from having to re-locate. The property has issues that may restrict our operation. Throughout these last few days, I saw him to be pushy, bully, railroad and keep me out of the loop...so he could move forward. This bugs me, but its not a deal breaker for me, as I do see 3 sides to what he was doing. Not sure which side of the scale was heavier for him... Probably first, saving our business from having to relocate. Then, personal gain. Then, protect me.
Regardless, now what happens to our "dates"? I was really twisting yesterday so asked him .... "please be honest with me, how were you feeling about our time spent?" He replied "I was really enjoying them, and would like to again.. just not now" ........... not fully understanding the "not now" comment.... how can you say that to someone? I know its been a hectic/consuming couple of weeks, battling over this business purchase issue (he saw me as someone preventing him from getting what he wants, asking questions, prob appearing as a bug), etc. But, "not now"? I replied "yea, I need to review this stuff and think about things too" ...... I don't think he even bothered to care what I said.
He did text me last night while at my meeting.... Have a nice evening.
Had my women's meeting last night (held at my place).... part of our program was to review why we joined the group. Who we were and what shifted and when, etc. Mine was easy.... I was a blubbering, desperate, pathetic MESS!! Thank god I am not HER anymore... I have come away & am now seeking self value. The ladies all spoke, and one woman reminded me about raising the bar and how we allow and push the bar of how low and what we are willing & able to accept. <<< why do I keep doing this?
Again... I need to see myself in a higher position. Raise the bar. I deserve better, than his selfish "I dunno", "not now" crap!!!
So... today, I pick myself up. Put on my gorgeous and believe in the person who others see me as!! Others, think I am crazy & tell me to look in the mirror. <<< going to put on my confidence & not be afraid of her! Self preservation.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Ok... sure GM... now I just need to get my F-U on, and accept it (without attitude). Why does the ball always get to be in his court?
How do you see his "not now" comment? Why would he bother to say that? Its kind of hurtful.... He also admitted that he was enjoying our time spent. WTF?... just because he is preoccupied with this business transaction, he feels he can keep me on the back burner? arms reach?
grrrrr
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
I agree, I can't make him want our rel'p (I just know that he does, although its up to him to figure that out, not for me to steer)....
why did he say "and would like to again"?....grrrrr <<<< this keeps me stuck HERE!
I am accepting that his confusion keeps me within his arms reach. I need to pull back and not be so "available" and comfortable for him. He needs to feel a risk. And, right now he knows I am still HERE.. Im not sure what I can do to be different. I just know that I need to do it!
He "thinks" I am there... but, am I?
Seeing the way he was over the past two weeks and our business dealings have shown me some stuff that are not all that attractive to me. How he puts money and himself before everything. Its a bit of a turn off, actually. Priorities are all screwed up. And he thinks he can have me when ever he wants, and can do nothing wrong....<<<<WRONG!!! I need to raise my bar. This is crap!!
I deserve better. I deserve someone who can commit and who can appreciate the efforts of my changes. I deserve to believe in myself and that NO MAN, NO ONE, shall treat me like that!
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
I want to be clear that I'm not a vet here. You receive such wonderful advice. There is one thing that jumps out to me about your sitch. Until you truly decide to let go ( and I mean genuinely let go), nothing will change. You will remain stuck. And stuck is not where anyone can truly live.
Just my opinion.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
someone misinterpreted here...... what I am trying to say, is that I KNOW he wants a relationship...just not now!! I get that! I think he said that, to keep HIS option open.
I am not using my self-value as a tactic to "get him"... I am accepting my self-value and appreciating myself!! To not be a doormat.
My pulling back is to SAVE me! Getting out of his way, his confusion, etc.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Magic, In reference to your posting: "The ladies all spoke, and one woman reminded me about raising the bar and how we allow and push the bar of how low and what we are willing & able to accept. <<< why do I keep doing this?" Why do you continue doing this? Only you can answer that question...but you must dig deep before answering it.
"NO.. I am pushing forward on getting our finances settled. I just don't know who to finalize it with.... do I see a business lawyer or family lawyer? Since this is a mutual agreement, do I need to bother with independent lawyers or can we just take it to one lawyer to be signed?" Magic, we've had many discussions about this situation and wouldn't you think it would be advisable to seek the advice of a "business" lawyer since this is not a personal issue, i.e., like separation/marriage, etc.? Wouldn't it be to your benefit to seek out a consultation first and see what the lawyer advises you concerning whether or not he/she would take this on and work with the both of you on this?
So, how do you feel now that you are beginning to see him w/o the rose colored glasses on your nose? You do realize that only you can decide when you've had enough and are willing to let him go. Right now, he drops phrases to keep you on the line. What do you want? Do you want to remain on the hook or do you want to let go and discover a new world out there? After all, if you let go, live your life to the fullest and actually enjoy your life, you may just find that he's not the only fish in the sea and may meet up w/some wonderful people. Who knows, that lonely, selfish old fish, just might wise up and realize that you are the catch of the day and come swimming right back to you want to commit. The past is the past, today is a gift called the present and the future, well...let's just say, it can be full of surprises, but ultimately we can help it along by being positive, confident and happy.
What does Magic want?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Tx Georgiabelle ~ I am NOT willing to be stuck... I just get confused between db/standing & moving forward. How do you do both, without looking stuck?
GM23 ~ " he needs to feel a risk". Is not about your self value..... What does him needing to feel something have to do with your self value and protection?....OH, ya caught me!! (slaps myself). I know that sounds bad, what I meant was that pulling back, causes a risk.
What makes you " know" he wants a relationship? I know, because I know him very well.... He needs our relationship. No other will suffice, honestly... No other idiot will accept him, like this. I know he wants this relationship because he has realized that he does want to be in a committed relationship. He has said this. He just doesn't want to "rush" into it....right now.
Ever hear believe none of what they say and 50% of what they do? Absolutely! He's not ready, yet. Key word "YET"... I know its what he wants & that he has come to realize this... on his own. Just not to the full extent yet. I believe that I represent commitment to him. So, when he is exhausted himself out of trying not to commit, he will. However, I am too convenient.
You don't know anything about him wanting a relationship. The only time you will know that is when you are actively in one with him. ....this is true too!!
Job ~ I have not posted whether I required a business or family lawyer (maybe it was someone else??). Regardless, I am not requiring advice from any lawyer. My negotiated deal was managed by a mediator. We just need it to be signed. My dilemma is because its a combined document of personal and business. I don't feel the need to seek 2 lawyers. IMO, this is a one appointment kind of deal. Its already pre-written. Just needs to be reorganized/reworded legally, typed and signed.
Yes.. I want to live my life to the fullest. Knowing that I tried my very best to save my relationship. I don't want to be on HIS hook. I want to be pursued. As mentioned earlier, I am confused with db'ing/standing vs. moving forward... how do you do this without everyone (including yourself) feeling stuck?
Self-value...is my answer.
I am scared to be with another fish... I am scared that a new fish, might be able to change my mind and then I lose interest in my old fish. (weird concept, I know).. I like the old fish that needs some work, but is truly a good person. Isn't it better to be with the devil that you know?
I can love him from a distance. Let go, let God.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Magic, "NO.. I am pushing forward on getting our finances settled. I just don't know who to finalize it with.... do I see a business lawyer or family lawyer? Since this is a mutual agreement, do I need to bother with independent lawyers or can we just take it to one lawyer to be signed?"
You answered your own questions above by stating that you have been working w/a mediator. So, if you are working w/a mediator...what ask about lawyers?
You can db and still move forward, it's called let go, detach, drop the rope, etc. and allow the man upstairs to work on him. You give up trying to control and/or manipulate the situation. You turn your focus on to you, your daughter and your life. You've begun to take steps in that direction by going to your women's group and they are providing you w/good feedback.
May I ask you something...what will you do if "YET" never comes?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Job gives such wonderful advice and really makes you think. Are you afraid that if you truly let go, then xbf will be "gone "? What exactly are you *waiting* for? For him to (I hate this term) *come around*? What if he never *comes around*?
Just curious......
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
