Newbie - bf suddenly left after 9 years

[Italian]

Thank you guys for all your great input! I really, really appreciate it.

I realize on this forum I sound like I'm obsessing over this way more than I do during my day... sorry about that! It's just, for some reason I find it helpful to vent whatever my brain throws at me early in the morning, so once I've got it out I'm rid of it and I can carry on with my day. So you guys kind of get all the useless obsessive crap that I don't want to shoulder around...

Rationally I know I'll be ok. I'm used to spending months abroad on my own barely hearing from him, and I always did just fine. I think this has hit me harder because I had got to a point where I'd settled down in that 'home' life and was actually beginning to like it. But I just need a little time to digest the impact and then I know I'll be back on the saddle.

I'm still trying to decide what to do - a couple of weeks isn't much to rearrange my life, lol - but I do have a lot of interesting plans lined up ahead. I'm in Wales at a friend's house at the moment, and I'm enjoying exploring the town and the outdoors. I have a novel to finish before June so I'm focusing on that... then over the summer I have a lot of PhD work to do, and a lot of good friends I've made over the years are inviting me to go visit them. Rome, Holland, Paris, Brittany, Copenaghen, Austria, Spain, London... I literally just have my pick. And I intend to travel, have fun, be with friends, as I figure out where I will live next autumn. I had a semester in Madrid planned that I set aside to stay in Italy, but now I'm dusting off those plans and am determined to go.

And besides, there are more serious things going on at the moment - Saturday afternoon my friend's mother was in a serious car crash and she's in ICU at the moment, we're waiting to see if she pulls through and if she'll have any permanent damage (brain, spine...). I've been through this before - my father died in a motorcycle crash when I was 16 - so it almost feels like the circumstances conspired to bring me here at this moment, where I can be of help.

So I've set aside my issues and am being strong and supportive and trying to help any way I can. My friend told me it's a big help to have me around, so I'm glad I can do something for him. My focus is on this at the moment.

I'm mulling over a few daddy issues in response to Kml, and I'll be posting that later on. I think this is a great opportunity to learn something more about myself and learn to stand on my two feet, which will greatly benefit me in the future.