Biggus Dickus: Part 2

[25yearsmlc]

Well, think of it this way:

You are upset your mom puts herself and stepdad before you, and that smokey put himself before you.

So, your mom is putting her spouse above anyone the way smokey should have been putting his spouse ( I.e, you) before anyone else.

You can't fault her too hard, heather. You are a grown woman, and she is a grown woman, and can chose to put her husband before you sometimes. She does help you.

And I see what your sister might be saying about how you and your mom could be honest with each other .

MY guess is that your sister is tired of feeling pulled by you and your mom, each trying to get your point across to the other, using your sister as the conduit. It's not her battle. It's not her relationship, and your last 3-4 posts have all been about how you think others see you...and really it's about how you let that get to you so much.

You seem to value 'peeling the onion" but then told me that you already have studied your childhood, and that's why you seemed to think EE would not be much help to you.

My point was that it gets you past the past...so you're not so enmeshed with what you think others think of you....and all that stuff.

Mainly this is done by solidifying your self esteem so that other's opinions literally don't bother you b/c you KNOW who you are and you know your value.


Instead of helping you bring your D19 back, she may have really wanted to do this dinner with your stepdad . She should have been absolutely honest at first and told you that and not made a commitment she couldn't keep. But she was probably worried you would get mad that she chose her husband over you.

It is a vicious cycle of not being completely truthful with each other.

It is not the world against you. Yes, sometimes people will chose others over you in that moment, but it's not personal.

YES....and Again, this is old stuff you have not worked out. Sure, "it's still happening" b/c they did not change. So you have to change (or change your expectations) or stay miserable every time you feel that you are owed support they cannot or will not provide...

Now go lunch a pillow to death. Seriously. I chose a heavy bag, but if you don't have access to one, go punch a pillow.

Do whatever helps you not recycle this baggage. Take the exit ramp off the freeway of 'It's SO UNFair' story, that you keep telling yourself.

I speak from experience.

I did it a lot. I prided myself on being fair and having what my boss once wrote, was a "fierce sense of justice"...

I truly believed H was "wrong" to make the choices he did, and mostly, I still do. But I had to let go of that b/c I wanted our marriage to work more than I wanted to be "right". But there was a time I equated the two.

Also, then I looked at the whole world, (Not just my tiny dot on the planet) & I saw big problems all over. In my personal life, I had a friend and her kids playing cards at our house one night, and 5 hours later she had a "splitting headache" and died on the floor, of an aneurysm...FOUR young kids, a bereft h... 5 years later, HER d13 got leukemia and has not responded to the chemo, so she's in the 1% of kids who get it and the 3% of kids who don't respond to the "cure"...and her mom died when she was 9...

that's just on MY street. So I can't really jump into the "unfair to ME" pond anymore.

And I would urge you not to as well - b/c it's not helpful to YOU or your d's..and it does, in time, become a form of self pity. Plus, why be negative, when you can be (and thus create) happy?

I'm going on a trip or I'd post more,(very rushed so sorry if there are typos, no time to edit)

but do hang in there.

I think if you keep taking the braver path, you'll grow more and in time, find your happiness, regardless of what your h does with HIS life....