Update

[hoper]

A bit of this and that..

So stumbled upon a book.. Leadership and self - deception..h got it during a training seminar ..
May be others on the same lines mentioned here across resources..
The book talks about about boxes people build around themselves and then feel justified and self righteous about their actions .. Being judgmental..
So the book took me back in time where most certainly I had drawn a box around myself .. Living with an Mlc mil and very low on esteem H did not help me either..
The book talks about how we push others or get pushed in these boxes too..

So my inability to have a baby or the Mlc house people or both changed me as a person ...lack of control and I gather now some depression just made me go along with 'feelings' rather than actions ... I was unaware of this happening to me ..
Kinda Mlc as felt I was right and the world wrong most of the time .. A bit snooty and also did not consider any one else's opinion too much..

And so obviously this could be good for any marriage let alone with someone already struggling with esteem issues..

So here I am .. A bit wiser ..

Post coming back for ow city h chose not to go for a wedding commitment ... Citing tiredness..
He was Very upset that s wanted to go for a sleepover on the day he gets back .. Though did not call for a long time when he was there the minute I changed my profile pic on what's app he calls ..

Takes both s and me out when he is back ..
No pursuit by me yet on any front whatsoever ever..

For the first time just tries to hold my hAnd at night .. I pretend to sleep ..
God knows whether he too just did so in his sleep ..

Take care my busters..
All here have been so comforting , accepting , admonishing rightly so .. Site Feels like another mum to run back to..
Happy Mother's Day all