Thank you t2, cat and worthy. I do understand that it's totally up to my W if she wants to have a relationship with my FIL. If you knew all the evil things he has said and done over the years, the times he has made my daughters cry, the time I almost called child services but instead he just left, the times my wife has cried because of how he acted when she was depressed you would understand the problem I have with my W forcing him on my D's.
Tonight my D asked for my support to ask her mom not to bring him to her final chapel at her school. She will be presented with a bible and every teacher she has had over the years will talk about her and give a bible verse that they think best reflects my D. She knows this will be emotional and knows that her grandfather will find a way to insult her and ruin her day and I agree as this is what he has always done.
She talked to her mom with me there and her mother totally blew her off. She said she spoke with him telling him she was sensitive (she isn't) and he won't try and be funny like that. He is NOT being funny. He is insulting and my D isn't easily hurt and in fact is the opposite with everyone BUT him! Her exact words were she needed to "suck it up" because he wanted to come so he is. I pointed out it was her day not his but my W wouldn't listen and ended the talk. She then said that she better get used to him because she was going to spend a month with him this summer. I balked at that and said she didn't talk to me about it. My W said she had spoken to me "a long time ago" which had to have been more than a year since it sure wasn't since B-day! I think she just thinks she talked to me about it but never did.
This is the kind of thing I'm having a problem with. My oldest was relived that her GF didn't show for her grad and now my poor younger one is having a man she doesn't want near her forced on her as well. I will use legal means to stop her if she tries to force my D to go away and stay alone with that man 1000 miles away from me. In her desire to relive her teenage years this time with a dad who loves her and wants her she has lost the ability to see that she is alone in thinking this man has changed in any way because he hasn't. He is worse. The reason this is so important now is because I will protect my D's from this man and as of tomorrow he will be here for a week. I know there will be a confrontation because if my W won't listen to her D about something as important as her last chapel, she will definitely try to make her spend more time with him as well.
At ages 18 and 14 my D's have a right to not have to spend their time with anyone they don't wish to. If my 14 year old was just being a jerk with no real reason to act the way she is, that would be different. Before B-day it never was a problem because she didn't force her father on them. It's only since she has been talking to him and going away with him post b-day that she has done this.
I can see this coming to a head in the next couple days. It is going to ruin my last day with my parents tomorrow and I will draw a line in the sand at my kids having to be around this man when they do not want him to be. That's why I'm upset and a little overwhelmed right now. I hope things improve once we get past this time but I can see this bringing things to a head much sooner than if he would have just stayed away!
