Lou - I reached a point where I realized I could no longer count on my W for my happiness and that I had to make things happen. Yes, you end up letting go of the old life - which was good at some point, but now no longer is - but you also realize that there are possibilities out there. Yes, the responsibility is yours, and it can be a burden, but there are rewards.
I let all the pain out at EE, which was so good, but also realized and was told that much is up to me. I second upwards point of having a support network. Perhaps you could have a poke around for this - especially in Essen, which I imagine is bigger than Franken - and report back.
Gratitude for 2-3 days - insight (for some work stuff), running (this really fixed my head this morning), and making music Saturday night, where beyond the musicians and the material, a sexually attractive woman was present (and a runner!).
What is left is you, the real you, though perhaps washed by sadness just now. You don't have to live with someone immediately; why not be gentle toward yourself, and take life lightly for a while? Tell us what you encounter, tell us what you want to do (great Japanese culture in Duesseldorf, for example), or bike tours in Muenster, or Holland, the monorail in Wuppertal. You need projects and meetups and to occasionally have a glimmer of fun and possibility and fresh air for your brain and soul.
Yes, can you make a sketch of what your future might contain? If you are in the Franken countryside (lovely), then find this up Essen-way. What will LouLou be like?
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
