I don't fear that anyone will judge me for not sitting next to my estranged. I do feel like most people at the games do not know that S16's parents are separated, and sitting apart from H will raise questions. Also I feel bad for him sitting by himself like he smells funny. When I arrived tonight he was lying flat along the bleacher like a corpse, probably taking a nap until game time. Not that many people were there yet, a few, so I went up and said hi and sat down. As other people arrived, they did not come up and sit next to me, so it was just the two of us. I did bop around and visit with other people.
The other guess, that I worry that H's nose will be bent out of shape, nah. He acts so blase, like nothing happened, that if I sit away from him he'll likely act blase about that too. He doesn't act like he cares if I sit with him or not, and he wouldn't be caught dead acting like it bothered him if I sat elsewhere. It's more about me feeling like I'm being a jerk. I think it's more comfortable for him to have me act like we get along just fine. I think it makes me uncomfortable to make him uncomfortable. Since he's there, I might just as well sit next to him like we go together. It would feel weirder not to.
It's a big whatever, I guess. It comes down to seeming like more of a statement than it's worth, to sit away from him.
It will not likely ever get easy to hang around with him, but the occasions where I need to do that are going to be mostly gone in two years.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
