Newbie - bf suddenly left after 9 years

[25yearsmlc]

Hopping in for a quick update before I answer your thoughtful comments...

So my mother called him today to arrange for changing the locks at the house. He seemed to have mysteriously forgotten that we've spoken about stuff like furniture etc and said he'd call me to ask. My mother told him not to. Again he was very cold and detached, didn't even ask how I was doing.

Why would he ask? It's not that he does not care. But If she says "She's GREAT!" He may feel let off the hook and YOU will mind that.

You will worry that he doesn't know how hurt you are, but if she says "devastated" you will feel humiliated that she didn't hide your "self confident awakening" better. And you are having an awakening but it's NOT a linear process.

To detach, you MUST GAL and we say it a lot, b/c we know it works. GAL so you can detach and move forward. Your bf knows how to reach you IF HE has an awakening...don't forget that. Besides, frankly if HE wants a reconciliation, he ought to earn his way back.

I'm not saying "punish" him, but do let go of him, b/c in reality, he's already gone.

What a selfish ass*ole. Selfish, selfish, SELFISH. I know I need to detach, and I've read that this level of self-involvement is normal, but

^^^when I read the word "but" I know that the entire preceding statement is now being ignored or discarded...yes, you "know" you NEED TO DETACH,

so don't keep going on about HIM, and instead think of what YOU will do to create a more fulfilling life for you.


the thought that he doesn't give two craps about me after nine years and promising me forever...

1) Stop mind reading. Super Unproductive. Yes He's behaving badly, but don't pretend to know how He feels. His feelings actually do NOT matter now. All that matters are his actions. And he's not with you.

2) He may well have believed his promises when he made them. But people change and you have to faces the reality that His "promises" were not vows, yet you are pretending they were. And if I'm not mistaken, you are forgetting how close you yourself came to be with an OM.

it pisses me off SO much. I hope he finds the decency to at least feel guilty and apologize in the future.

1) you will never know how he feels so there is zero point in spending energy on that. Besides, IF YOU ARE BETTER OFF WITHOUT HIM, who cares how HE feels about that?

2) Secondly, the odds of him apologizing in a way that would ameliorate how you feel, are damn low. Spend NO energy or time on that wish...good grief, I know people STILL waiting for the Grand Apology,

and BTW even when they get it, they either do not believe it or don't really count it b/c "he didn't sound/seem sorry enough"...
so I guess they are still waiting...
But I need to not care.

Where the head goes, the heart will follow (if we let it).

In time you will feel better...if you want to.

We are solely responsible for our own happiness and we always were. So, pretend he had died tragically in an accident and you had grieved for awhile now.

What would your life be like without him, but with you being happy? Envision that and put details in it. Flesh it out...
Any new Hobbies? A new language? A different job or home area? Travel? DETAILS!!!

NOW, think of those things above, which you can do now, to begin your new life...and do some.