Hi Matt. Couple of things, if I may. First of all, congrats on your d. You must be so proud.
So, I see you keep trying to understand your wife's actions. And the thing of it is, is that you cant because you arent in a life crisis.
Changing her mind, being selfish, seeming unfeeling, etc. is all part of that.
Now I always say that having a life crisis isnt a get out of jail free card. She is responsible for her actions. But it is a way to understand why she may be choosing those actions.
You cant make her feel a certain way. SHe feels how she does right now.
The sooner you can accept that she is in a deep tunnel of confusion, the sooner you can detach.
Detaching to me is this. Your actions or words are not based on hers.
When this began for me, I made myself a roadmap of how I wanted to live my life. I made myself three promises. I wanted to act with dignity and honor. I wanted to cause no harm to the relationship between my h and my son. I wanted to be able to look back on this time in my life and feel good about how I conducted myself.
With this roadmap, I was able to always know how to act. After awhile, I didnt have to even think about it. And no matter what my h was doing or saying, he couldnt knock me off my road.
Think about who you want to be. Be that person everyday, regardless of what your w is doing or saying. Some days you will make it, some you wont, but that should be the goal.
As far as your d and the school, I get how that is upsetting to you. So, you either have to make a plan on how you may be able to get her there or you have to have a hard talk with her. The reason is your wife is incapable of making any kind of committments now.
Regarding her dad. No matter what, he is her father. While I would not allow him to say anything bad to my son, I would have to accept who he is. I dont have to like it, but, I would have to accept it.
Matt, I would like to see you try to let go of trying to understand how you wife has changed. It is what is at the moment. It helps to just accept that you may not ever understand.
Things are difficult now. They will not always be.
Put the focus on you and your children and let your wife walk her journey. Lovingly let her go. You walk your own journey. Figure out Matt. What are some things you always wanted to do or try? A class you wanted to take, or a place you wanted to visit.
Let her go, Matt. You will feel so much better if you do.
I like this part:
Originally Posted By: Matt165
In a way it helps me see that it's more important than ever for me to build my life as if she no longer existed. To think how I would act and what I would do if say she just disappeared one day and work on doing those things.
And this part:
Originally Posted By: Matt165
All I can do is try to be the best parent I can be. To be a stable force in her life.
