She left - 4

[gogofo]

Some of the things we talked about were how she is now actively trying on our relationship. She said she felt like she had spent the last 4 months building a wall brick by brick to separate herself from our relationship and now she is participating in tearing it down again. I validated her feelings and said I don’t care if she helps tear it down right now, as long as she isn’t rebuilding it while I am trying. She said no, she needs to tear it down too. We need to BOTH be trying for us. She emphasized the word both because in the past I wasn’t giving 50% and also that she was going to give 50%, not just let me try alone.

She was apprehensive and almost cancelled our date on Friday a couple of times. She felt nervous still and she is working back on us being together instead of moving on. I validated and understood her feelings. I also thanked her for being brave and working on us while feeling this way.

When I extended the invite for her to attend dropping of the gifts on Sunday she talked about how she felt about doing it. She wanted to see my family and misses them but does not want to give them false hope. She did not want them to think we are 100% by seeing us together. I said she did not have to attend. We came to the conclusion that she would not go with my to the grandparent’s houses. She said she felt the same way about us doing breakfast with her family, but wanted me there for it also.

She also talked about still not feeling completely trusting in me and my actions because in the past I had reverted back when making minor changes. I agreed with her on this and said I need her help and encouragement. She needed to let me know that things that she enjoys and that are working. She also needs to let me know if I am reverting back to my old ways as I also do not want to be that person. She emphatically said that I do not have to worry about her not saying anything, she would let me know.

I asked her to describe how she felt and why. She said she felt suffocated right after we had kids. It was like our lives stopped and she had no opinion in anything and we could not do anything, etc. It was like our lives ended when the kid’s lives began.

It was also the second time that I mentioned I wanted to speak her love language. She laughed and said it was just a funny phrase to use. I explained the concept to her and this morning she took the quiz and sent me the results and I did the same.

We have been having fun and also mixing in some real talks about what our relationship was. When I asked her what I could do to show her trust, etc. she said it was just going to take time, said she would not consider us moving in until August at the earliest. She wants to be sure she wants us and likes what us means again. I let her know I understood and agreed to her timeline, and I had nothing but time and energy and desire to put into us.

Things seem to be going well. I am going to hold my path of action for now. There seems to be cheese down these tunnels so far. Trying to keep the pressure light on her and when I mentioned this too her she said she didn’t feel pressured or forced and would not do anything that she did not feel comfortable with.