Let It Go

[Georgiabelle]

BK,

I started at the beginning of your sitch and read the first 3 threads and I've been following along since joining. Your sitch has some similarities to mine so I wanted to comment on a few things.

Obviously, you've been at this longer than me. My h had many of the same complaints your h did (not enough affection and SSM-mine were valid and out marriage was more SS than yours from the reading I've done). I thought too if I had just let him kiss me or if I didn't keep rejecting him on ML, then we wouldn't be here. I realized fairly early on that most of these scenarios are unexplainable and that wouldn't have changed anything. I thought that lack of intimacy was our "issue", then h said I never supported him, he loved me more than I loved him, I tried to save money, had to be right, never went out with him on Valentine's Day (he never asked), I was too logical, too intuitive, kids loved me more, etc......Do you see where we are going? No matter what I fixed (and I have fixed what I knew was wrong. And some were valid. Very valid. Some were crazy. Gotta work on intimacy cause I can't do that with h) it was something else. And when I reread your h's email response back to you I just felt compelled to post. No matter what you do, your h will find fault with it.

I am so impressed with how far you've come. You sound so strong and determined which is great. I do think there are certain personalities who cannot ever take responsibility for their actions. Why? Well that would ruin the entire, " I'm a victim in everything " role. I remember during my M I thought it was strange that my h never apologized and actually used to say that it wasn't him-it was everyone else. I just thought,"eh. Maybe he just doesn't know how to say a simple " I'm sorry." Now I realize, that he truly cannot take the blame for anything because he would have to look ar himself.

Your h probably moved on to Jess because she buys his poor me persona. My was actually tweeting his stuff 2 weeks after moving out and promptly found a taker. My h puts the "I'm such a devoted dad and love my kids" out there because it would be horrible to put that he says he never misses the kids, they've ruined his life and that he cannot stand being around s11. Pity party wouldn't be very big if he put the stuff that's he's told me for quite a while. Same for your h. You have to be the one not amenable to things because if it was him sometimes, he would have to admit that.

I posted this long rambling diatribe to say I think you are doing so well. You don't have to respond to his email because you don't have to prove anything to him. He has his story and until he can truly tackle his demons, he will have another story for Jess at some point. Sorry for the novel.

Hope you had a great Mother's Day.