Happy Mother's Day again. You're a wonderful mother, probably one of the best I have ever met. I'm so proud of the work you do with D7 and all the great things you bring to her life. I just responded, Thank you!
I am grateful that he still has respect for me in that regard.
No doubt he does respect and love your mothering of your/his child.
Not so random--Question: What's his r with his mother, like? I ask b/c He's repeatedly expressed his not being "in love" with you and if the r he has with his mom is fairly healthy or normal, then I'd say you simply need for him to see you as a sensuous woman who is desirable. (IOW, if there are some "deep/odd" issues between his mother and him, that may require different tools).
But assuming a relatively normal mother son r, and your h says he's "Not In Love" with you, that MAY require some competition, and or the pride that comes with having "landed the trophy" or catch of the year.
Men/women surveyed were asked
which two traits were most valuable to them, in a mate.
Men said "attraction" (includes how other men see their mates, hence the term "trophy") & "peace in the home", (which seemed to mean no nagging/carping).
Women most valued Security (physical safety & protection, & Financial--a roof over their head and food in the kitchen and the doors lock?? This is particularly true when there are children) and 2) Fidelity, (self explanatory, I think).
Sooo, back to your Mystery Sparks...
What are your GAL activities? I'm asking for a reason.
Are any of the GAL you are doing/planning, NOT about being a parent or in a group of moms? See where I"m going with this?? You need to be a woman only a fool would leave.
In your case, what I am hearing is your h cares for you in a deep friendship type of way, but that's not marriage material unless both parties agree. That's not the case here. He needs to worry about losing you, which would come about either by you being distant with him, (which can be seen as punitive, Unless it's pulled off well w/PMA), AND OR by the attention of OM...or the idea of it, sinking in...
Make sense?
Think about that, (but obviously, do not SAY anything to your h about dating....
HOWEVER, IF HE asks you about your social life, re: your GAL or "with who??" types of questions, do not be rude or act offended, but be vague and brief, and if pressed, go with being playful and laugh it off, but even still, Do NOT divulge too much. Nothing specific, and he "Doesn't know them", or "a group of..." answers are fine. He wants some sparks. And perhaps some mystery.
So, What are his Love Languages? If you are not familiar with it, there is a book about how we each GIVE love and how we each RECEIVE love, which are often not the same. I may show love by giving compliments, but do not take words of affirmation well...or don't "really hear" them, etc. Perhaps I really want time with someone, attention from them, so my "love language would be "quality time"... So I think the book "Five Love Languages" is well worth reading and reflecting upon (skimming it makes it seem obvious and superficial, but it's more subtle /complex than that. Besides, once you use those tools, you can improve the r you have with your h, regardless of his later choices...)
I wonder if your h wants to receive love in a way he does not give it...??
Hang in there, and remember, 1) You can turn your pain/marriage over to God for awhile, and let Him carry the load, so you can
2) Get SPARKS & MYSTERY (mystery itself tends to create a lot of sparks...)
b/c you're not just the mother of his child.
You are a DESIRABLE WOMAN, whom HE once fell in love with....hey, what was SHE like?
Good luck, things will get better, truly.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
