CSan00 - My story

[CS000]

Thanks ye21. In some aspects I feel stronger but feel that I have a long way to go. As it is Mother's Day, I feel very sad without my H here as weird as that seems as we are approaching 3rd month of being separated. My kids have cleaned up and pampered me for the most part however my oldest D 17 has been acting very selfish and rude. She has put me and my H through the ringer with her actions for the past 3 years. She is supposed to graduate next year and I hoped that she would go away to college because I feel completely done dealing with her and no longer want to be responsible for her or deal with her choices. I love my D but she has pushed me to as far as I can go. I feel stuck because their father is in the military and has moved to Japan so he can no longer help with the kids, not that he did a lot before he moved since it was my H who was there all the time and now I don't have that. Even my younger sister doesn't want to help as much with picking up the kids from work. The divorce is going to happen as my H brings it up and we are paying down the debt before we file. I can't force my H to stay married and try to work it out also I know that he is still emotionally numb as he is dealing with his PTSD which is now the worst it has ever been. I'm glad he is feeling more connected to his kids and I hope for himself that he is able to start feeling again and be the caring and loving man he was. I want to text him but I am holding myself back from it since I don't want to be needy or pursuing. He did text me Happy Mother's day but that was it. I need to let my expectations go of him and who he was because he is no longer that man. I still get feelings of hope when he acts like he used to with me and our interactions are positive and he contacts me more and wants to see me. Then he switches off and he becomes distant again....I wish I could fully detach