CSan00 - My story

[CS000]

Feel sad and lonely....I know that I don't need someone to share everything with me but my H was my best friend and I miss him. I feel this is hopeless

[CS000]

I need to just learn to leave my H alone when he withdraws. I haven't fully accepted that our old marriage and relationship with my H is over and this is a new one I am hoping to have with my H. I need to be the casual friendly neighbor and not retreat into acting as a wife. I really need help detaching and I need to not get overly excited when he responses in a positive way. I hope for some input or help please? I do know other than signing up for GAL I haven't done much else since I have been exhausted

[CS000]

I meant signing up for the Color Run. Also what if your SO thinks that with positive changes made that you are better off without them and reinforces that leaving was the best thing for everyone? I know we are not to believe less than 50% of what they say but it is hard to not think about it. I went for a 2 mile walk/jog to train for the 5K. I have to get out of the house and GAL but money is tight. Also with Mother's Day tomorrow this [censored] a little without my H but this is just one of many holidays that I won't have him around. I am definitely feeling a bit melancholy but it will pass. I also realize that I don't have many friends either and now with the divorce I have also become estranged from my sisters due to them unable to not being able to respect my boundaries. How to make new friends and cheap/free ideas to GAL?

[CS000]

I feel really sad. I don't think that my kids are respectful or selfless. I am trying to repair the damage I did since my first divorce which was giving in, feeling guilty and not being consistent. This was a major issue with my H and he was right. I am now taking steps to rectify them but it is a lot harder than I thought.

[ye21]

Well csand you are doing well because you are able to see something that you dont like and willing to change it, thats already a big big step.

[CS000]

Thanks ye21. In some aspects I feel stronger but feel that I have a long way to go. As it is Mother's Day, I feel very sad without my H here as weird as that seems as we are approaching 3rd month of being separated. My kids have cleaned up and pampered me for the most part however my oldest D 17 has been acting very selfish and rude. She has put me and my H through the ringer with her actions for the past 3 years. She is supposed to graduate next year and I hoped that she would go away to college because I feel completely done dealing with her and no longer want to be responsible for her or deal with her choices. I love my D but she has pushed me to as far as I can go. I feel stuck because their father is in the military and has moved to Japan so he can no longer help with the kids, not that he did a lot before he moved since it was my H who was there all the time and now I don't have that. Even my younger sister doesn't want to help as much with picking up the kids from work. The divorce is going to happen as my H brings it up and we are paying down the debt before we file. I can't force my H to stay married and try to work it out also I know that he is still emotionally numb as he is dealing with his PTSD which is now the worst it has ever been. I'm glad he is feeling more connected to his kids and I hope for himself that he is able to start feeling again and be the caring and loving man he was. I want to text him but I am holding myself back from it since I don't want to be needy or pursuing. He did text me Happy Mother's day but that was it. I need to let my expectations go of him and who he was because he is no longer that man. I still get feelings of hope when he acts like he used to with me and our interactions are positive and he contacts me more and wants to see me. Then he switches off and he becomes distant again....I wish I could fully detach

[CS000]

I also feel strange when he mentions something like the tattoo guy thinks that I like him because I was asking some personal questions but I did it for my friend and I told my H that but he still teases me. I feel like he has no big issue if I were to be with another guy.

[CS000]

Today all the tears are flowing again. I haven't had a day like this in a while and this makes me feel like I really am not making the progress I thought I was. I am afraid of letting go of my H that if I do it means that I tried harder for my first marriage. I don't understand where all of this pain is coming. I thought I was done grieving but I was obviously kidding myself. The divorce will probably now be filed in June and be finalized 30 days from then in July. My H said he needs it to be done and I do feel I also need it finished so we both can move on. I would like some feedback

[CS000]

We still ML occasionally and I don't feel like he is leading me on because he has told me that does feel for me and that I matter to him but he is not sure if or for how long it will stay. I understand that but I enjoy it and like the closeness of it. This is not a way to get him back at all but another way to stay connected.

[CS000]

My H told me that we can never have more because of how he feels about my sisters and my children. This really hurts and makes Me angry that He Feels And Sees It this way. I know that I can't change how he feels or sees things but it just reinforces my feelings that we are done and we will not ever be able to work out things or8 reconcile down the road. His issues with my kids are that he feels I am too soft with them. While I am working on but it is a lot harder to fix and do then I thought. With regards to my sisters they were close to my H at first but as is their manner of handling things, if they get upset they shut you out without talking to you about or why. My H continued to help them even after them acting that way and he felt disregarded and disrespected when one of my sisters called him abusive and mean in a text that was sent to the wrong person and also told to my extended family who acted awful with him. My hope for us now and the future is going away. .