hope456 - accepting my new reality

[25yearsmlc]

Great post by La bug...worth reading again.

Here, you wrote:

A positive: I talked to D7 for awhile about her fears and reassured her. I left an extra light on for her and lay down with her in her bed for a few minutes. After we talked for a bit, she gave me a hug and said, "Mommy makes me feel better." I know that I'm a good mom. I know that my D loves me and, more importantly, that she knows that I love her. That's important. It is what matters. I need to keep my focus there.
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THIS^^^ is crucial for you to KNOW and take in, fully. This cannot be overly stressed. At the BD and h leaving times (there were really two, first when he went off to get yet another career credential and acted as if was "up the road at school", which meant a fellowship 300 miles "up the road". Secondly, after getting it, he went to Alaska to "just check out a job", for a YEAR...

Lots of limbo and uncertainty for our children, (mainly our 2 Ds b/c son was in college already).

I told my then 8 y/o d, that "whatever happens, [her] happiness was what I would use as my guide. I'd do what I believed would ultimately make HER happiest"

this ^^ seemed to comfort her. When she'd ask if we were going to get a D, I said what the PhD told me to say

"I sure hope not, b/c your dad & I have loved each other a long time" AND OR

"I hope not b/c we've had a great marriage at times, which is why WE are working on it"

ALWAYS FOLLOWED BY a true, positive thing, which was/is: "Your dad loves you and would kill or die for you." MAINLY I said that. A few times I had to add
an "explanation" for the unexplainable, like how can he live so far way from us and say he loves us??

"But he thinks he has a 'mission' up there, so he feels a 'need' to check it out"...

Hope this helps...

Knowing she is loved, truly, helps. More later...