This, That and The Other

[labug]

It's Mother's Day and although I see the holiday as a bit contrived, I'm happy to have both of my sons here with me. S25 and his GF are here from Canada to attend his University graduation next week. (Crimson, I'll be in your territory)

I've been doing some letting go in the last couple of weeks in the S25 dept. Now that he's graduating he will really be moving on and I'm realizing on a gut level that he won't ever "live" here again. I know many adult kids to move back but even then, it's not the same I would guess. So there's been some sadness and happiness but it's all good.

I had a dream this morning of S25 at 4 or 5 yrs, holding onto my neck crying because he missed me and he loved me. I was comforting him but also enjoying that moment of 'mommy, you are everything.'

I know I'm not 'everything' to him now and that's as it should be but I will always be his Mom.

And some people say our dreams don't mean anything.

S21 is making great strides in him treatment. It's as if he had this revelation that it's time and he's moving forward. he even talks openly with his H and I about his struggles. This is groundbreaking as he's NEVER done this in the past. His shame kept him stuck.

I recall many therapy sessions (mine) saying to IC, 'if he would only talk about it so I could understand.'

Patience and love, patience and love. After trying everything else it all comes down to those 2 things.

In the M, things are going well. It's amazing that we can actually talk about conflict now. I'm much more open about it than he is, but he's catching up. I think it's scary for him but the more open we can be, with a side of patience and love, the easier it gets.

We had a funny set-to yesterday about keys, etc on my key ring. We were in my car so he had my keys. One of the things on my ring is a small tape measure which I use a lot. We went to a store, i saw a rug and wanted to measure it. I didn't have my tape as he had taken the attachment off the key ring. When I asked where the tape was, he gruffly said "I'm not carrying all that stuff in my pocket." (he was already in defense mode and this is not the first time I've heard about my having too many things on the key ring that he doesn't want to carry.)

Now in the past we could have turned this in to a day-long resentment-laced-with-anger fest. Stony silences, sideways insults, etc.

I let it go and said I'd come back some other time and check it out, meanwhile I'd check the measurement of the rug we want to replace.

Later I brought up the incident of the keys and mentioned that I heard anger when he said he didn't want to carry all the stuff on my key ring. "I'm wasn't angry and I didn't sound like that."

"That's what I heard."

"But I wasn't."

"Okay, if this comes up again how about you look at me, smile and say: "I love you to death and I don't want to carry all that stuff on your key ring!"

We both burst out laughing.

There are also many ways we can deal with this issue.

Later that same day...we went out to dinner, H driving my car. S21 was home but left while we were out. When I walked up to the back door it was locked. I looked at H knowing the key to that door was on the section he removed from my key ring. We looked at each other and laughed.

But H, being who he is, had a key to the front door hidden away.

Life, it's good when you let it be.