I have been reading a little on another forum about what they call GIGS - the Grass is Greener Syndrome. It seems to have many of the same hallmarks of MLC, except it's just about the relationship and not the rest of one's life, I guess.
Anyway I have found a couple of interesting quotes to mull over.
Quote:
I meet a really beautiful and caring girl when I am 20. The next 9 years are the best years of my life. We experience the world together. We are inseperatable. When I lose my father, she's there for me all the time and comforts me.
But on the 10th year together, things start to change. My girlfriend loses her job and gets really depressed. As a result, she gains weight and spends most of her time on the couch. We don't have fun together and I'm no longer attracted to her.
I, on the other, get a promotion. There are several hot, funny girls in their early 20's who pursue me at the office. So I ask myself:
"I'm turning 30 this year. Do I want to spend my life with a fat cow who doesn't seem to enjoy life and never leaves the couch, or do I want to date these super gorgeous, funny girls at the office?"
There are several ways to look at this:
a) Since she doesn't seem to have the willpower to take control of her life, I'd better leave right now. Otherwise it's just a waste of time, since the relationship is going nowhere.
b) Although I'm not happy at all, I will try to endure for a few years. She was really supportive when I was down a few years ago and it's only natural to return the favour. Who knows, maybe in time, she can become her old self again.
c). After 9 years together, I love this woman so deeply and I will do anything to help her. One bad year together can't change not. Not even 10 bad years could change that. No, I'm not having fun at the moment, but she is in more pain than I am. And though it's tempting, I wouldn't have fun with the new girls when I know that the one I've loved for so long is hurting.
When people go through G.I.G.S., they most likely fit description a)
HA. Look at that. Sounds familiar... if it wasn't for the fact that my BF is most definitely not advancing with his life, but rather has been sinking in the same swamp for the past 15 years. Somehow he seems to now believe I was the weight holding him down, which strikes me as very unfair - and I mentioned as much to him.
I have been thinking lately about how I always seemed to behave like a mother of sorts in the relationship. Maybe because I was always more experienced in handling life, travelling, etc, ever since the beginning of our relationship I was always the one who arranged vacations, made the bookings, sorted out the trips, guided him around once we were there, etc. He was more the kind to say 'I want to go on vacation, we never do anything fun' and then completely fail to come up with a destination or a plan until I took charge and handled everything... or until it was too late and we ended up doing nothing. Then of course he whined about how we were doing nothing and kinda blamed me for it.
Same goes for handling the house - bills, papers, housework, food. I arranged everything, took care of everything, then told him what share of the bills to pay. He just showed up after work, asked what was for dinner, spent an hour in the bathroom, two hours playing videogames, and then we always ended up having dinner at 11 pm because he just kept procrastinating.
He just wanted to be alone and do his own childish things in the house, and meet up on his own terms I suppose. He could have just told me he wanted to live alone for longer - I would have understood. After all I did live on my own for years, so I got it out of my system and was ready to settle down.
Lol. My mother made me notice this. Doesn't sound like a good BF, does he? In fact I am wondering now how I could be happy in that situation. I even tried to tell him a few times that I felt neglected, that we spoke more when I was abroad - at least for that hour on skype I had his undivided attention: now he wasn't even taking a few minutes to tell me about his day.
Eventually his games and tv were replaced by being constantly on the phone, which is when I assume he met another woman who he did care to talk to. It burns, because if he'd put half of that effort into me, we would have both been much happier. I don't understand, and it's very hurtful.
Me: 26, BF: 33, R: 9yrs Bomb dropped April 17th 2014 Currently No Contact
