hope456 - accepting my new reality

[labug]

Thank you Upwards. Sometimes, I get it. Others...not so much.

D7 had a really rough night. It started out well. She had a great time playing with the kids in the neighborhood. After it was dark (we let the kids play late on the weekends), she started getting really anxious and near tears. I asked her what was wrong and she mentioned a few things: she was scared of the dark, one of her friends wasn't playing what she wanted to play, and she was scared of Edward Scissorhands. Last night, she went across the street to the neighbor's house to play with a friend. Apparently, the parents were watching Edward Scissorhands. D7 didn't see much of it, but told me that she was very scared and that she was afraid he was going to get her. I explained to her that he wasn't real and that if she had seen the whole movie she would know that he was really nice and that it was a lesson in not judging a book by its cover. (Side note: D7 will not be having playdates at that house again.)

When we came inside to get ready for bed, I heard D7 crying in the shower. I came to ask her what was wrong and she reiterated that she was scared. Then she said, "I just don't want to do anything anymore." I asked her what she meant by that and she said she didn't know. The statement freaked me out a lot. I asked her if there was anything she wanted to talk about. She said no, but then told me that her stomach didn't feel well. I asked what she meant and she told me that it felt like it was turned upside down. She has had seemingly anxiety-related stomach issues before. I realize that some of this stuff is typical childhood fears and that it may not be related to our situation at all, but it seems like more than just normal kid stuff and I think it is a good idea to take her to see a therapist. I started doing research on child therapists in our area. I also asked my sister (the family law attorney) to ask around at her firm because they regularly deal with them.

So, now, how do I bring it up to my H? He has said before that I overreact. I think he underreacts. Any thoughts?

A positive: I talked to D7 for awhile about her fears and reassured her. I left an extra light on for her and lay down with her in her bed for a few minutes. After we talked for a bit, she gave me a hug and said, "Mommy makes me feel better." I know that I'm a good mom. I know that my D loves me and, more importantly, that she knows that I love her. That's important. It is what matters. I need to keep my focus there.

You're living with her, and she's sharing these things with you. Your H isn't seeing what you're seeing or hearing what you're hearing. If you feel you and she need help navigating this, do it. Would it be any different if she was running a fever at your house?

I know you're questioning yourself a lot right now, we all do. Don't let what your husband thinks of you right now become what you think of you.

You're not responsible for his deficits. This is at the heart of detachment. He can say what he says, think what he thinks but it doesn't have to affect you.

Hang in there, it get's better.