I had deleted and rewritten part of that sentence that didn't make sense. I think I was trying to say that she will be angry if you want the two of you to attend MC before she moves back home. B/c she's tired of the RH and wants to go home. But once she gets home, it will be really difficult to get her to go to MC.
You see, this her plan B. her plan A (OM) didn't work out. So this is her fall back plan (home) which of course, you go with the home. Sorry for being so blunt, but I don't want you to get all hoped up by yesterday's event, only to get shot down by her.
She knows she has to be a little nicy-nice to get back home. She will tolerate enough to make you think she is over OM and the M can resume. She will believe you are going to be so happy to have her home, that it will probably come as a shock to find out there are stipulations.
When the WAW in an A has not reached the stage of remorse, (and it does take time), she can be quite arrogant and rebellious toward her H. If she is unwilling to talk about her actions regarding the A and how she treated you.......and she wants to turn the tables and drag up things about you, it's a sign she still harbors a closed heart for her H. As long as that heart is closed to you, there will not be the warm intimate love in your M.
Full reconciliation is not easy! It usually takes at least a couple of years of HARD work. If she does not seem "willing" to put effort into that work, and if she's not willing to be transparent and go to MC......then you essentially still have a WAW in heart/mind.
You are the betrayed, so you can give her the conditions that will help you to feel safe in the R and help you to learn to trust her again. It is fine if you want to see what she will volunteer, but if it's not enough, tell her what else you require.
Now here's the thing with transparency, it is not about controlling what she does. It is about her not putting up any type of shield to prevent you seeing what she does.
You are the one to tell her your stipulations. Examples could be: No carry phone to bed, no calls behind closed doors or leaving the room to talk on phone. All computer activity is open, and no computer activity after bedtime (or you have gone to bed). Call to let you know when she's coming home or some type of knowledge of her whereabouts.
That's just a few. Some men have their W to write a letter to OM telling him to never contact her again and that she and H have decided to work on the M. You watch and read the letter, and if it's an email......have her cc your name and then send it to OM.
It doesn't prevent them from contacting each other. There are too many ways. It is for you to see her willingness, or lack thereof. You should be able to see her attitude and determine how sincere she is about rebuilding a M with you. This is not pleasant for the W, but it is not punishment. It doesn't have to last forever, just until you are convinced she is over OM.
Despite what she may say, it will take months before she truly has OM out of her system. Her brain has to withdraw from those love chemicals that the A supplied. This first month is the hardest. If there is any type of contact, it will trigger those chemicals and she will have to start back at square one again.
So today, I would not discuss the R, if she you can hold her off. However, after yesterday, I think she will assume the light is green to move back. I doubt she says anything, and just comes home. She make casually make reference to coming home. If so, that is when you should tell her (if it's not in front of others) that the two of you need to discuss things further.
Btw, a really good solution based MC seems hard to find, but stick with it. There are some lousy C out there who can mess people up more than they were in the beginning! But there are some good ones, and you need guidance in piecing the M back together again.
However, first things first.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
