Hi Luke Thanks for the vote of confidence. And time heals is a mantra I use. Maybe I do need something specific as far as therapy but it also requires self control too.. I hate that when my coach asked who do I have as support I answered .her None else in my life knows exactly what is happening..I hate being the subject of gossip.. You have been a lifeline..really.. but this is too hard alone..and the pretending it is fine is exhausting and the holding onto hope is exhausting, but if this marriage is truly done forever I still cannot imagine a life alone..it is all too hard and really not worth the struggle.. I don't want to live alone and I don't have the courage to trust again and without trust I will always be alone.. It has been 7 months and no sign of him changing his mind to even discuss reconciliation or a relationship.. The more I stay away the better it suits him.. the more it hurts me and I hate being needy and clingy..
I work on detaching.. I am not looking to rescue him or influence him.. the more he sees me the less he likes me..I remind him his life is not organised... I am withdrawing more and more .. makes me sad..but unfriendly contact cut me to the quick.. Where did he go this funny, friendly affectionate man? Why didn't I see him slipping away? Why do I know now all the mistakes we made and there is no chance to fix them?
When is enough enough? When is DB over and just a way to continue to stop the healing.. or what ever happens next.. I have a 2 part life.. 1 outside where I am functional and one alone 7 where I am so disfunctional and sad and , lonely and missing him everyday..my life was so good with him in it.. how do you detach that?
In the next 2 months I am going to lose everything I enjoy and value my home, my garden, my region, my friends, my job, my dog my marriage.. What's left?
