I would hardly tell her to call or text now! You really need to get yourself grounded. One minute you are thinking about exposing the A to OM's W, the next you laying on the bed kissing your W.....then wonder if you should tell her to call before she brings her mother on Mother's Day after you ve already discussed her coming over.
The way you wrote the post, it sounded as if she asked if you wanted to hold her. But either way, you should have refused. And no, you don't have to be fully reconciled before you hold her.....but you did it before knowing any information! The point being.......you are not helpless nor a puppet. Don't act like a love sick pup with a woman who is unfaithful to you. It doesn't matter if she did want to be held. That was the time to show her your strength....not your weakness. You should have told her that it wasn't that simple. Now she knows all it takes to get her back in the house is a little kissing and holding and you are good to go.
I can almost promise you that as soon as she calls herself "back home again", those affectionate moves you saw today will vanish.
What happened to that long, long list? Maybe you should revist it.
You won't have to request proof the A has ended. Makes no difference. The hard part is getting over it. Only she can get OM out of her head. She will go through withdrawal, and if she doesn't then that's your proof. If you are smart, you will have a transparency plan in place. If she really wants the M to work, she will be willing to see a good MC with you to help with the reconciling. If she doesn't, that's proof, as well.
My suggestion, for whatever it's worth, is to get through tomorrow and not promise her anything until you have think it through more. But I think you will discover if you even suggest T holding her off....she will be furious. You see, unless you failed to disclose it in your post.....she hasn't shown remorse for the A. It will be. Big mistake to take her back if she's not remorseful. Her holding onto old grudges and trying to justify her A, or wanting to just pick up where the M left off without doing the difficult work.......is more proof.
By the way, the burden of proof is on her......not you. She is the one who should work to get your trust again. Don't let her turn this around.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
