Thank you for all the advice, 25. I am going to purchase a package of sessions from a DB coach. I will be doing that next week. I think I could really use the help.
I had a couple of interactions with my H today. He texted me a screen shot of a level he was trying to beat on Candy Crush that was making him mad. I responded with "That's the tough one I told you about. It's totally doable though." He sent another message in response, but I didn't answer that one. Later in the afternoon, he called, but I was busy at work, so I didn't call him back until about an hour later. He said he was just calling to say "hi" and to see if I was still loving my new car. I was very casual and told him that I did and was really happy with it.
Then, I called him on my way to pick up D7 and asked if we could discuss a couple of things about the schedule. First, I wanted to ask him if I could have her at least part of next weekend because my mom is coming to visit. He agreed that we could switch some days around to make that work. I told him that I'd also like to discuss the schedule more generally because of D7's comments that suggest it wasn't working for her. He started to go on the defensive and said we can talk about whatever but that the paperwork has to say 50/50. I said that I was not making a suggestion about changing the percentages; I just wanted us to discuss the situation to see if we could come up with a better solution together. I suggested that we talk later (on Sunday) so that he had time to think about it. He said he just wanted to talk about it now and asked what my ideas were. I suggested two alternatives, but told him that I was open to other options:
Option A: Try a week-on/week-off schedule to see if D7 finds that less confusing. He knows that I'm not fond of this idea from previous conversations, but I told him that I would be willing to do it if it worked better for our D.
Option B: Continue with a 2-2-5 schedule, but be more consistent about it. I was very careful not to blame him AT ALL. I told him that I thought we both could be flexible enough to handle things that came up (work events, etc.), but that it was probably better if we made our own plans around the parenting schedule instead of making the parenting schedule around our plans. We've literally had a change in the schedule every single week since H moved out. It's usually because he has other plans, but I didn't say that. When complaining about the schedule, D7 mentioned that sometimes Daddy doesn't have her because he has something important to do. Yesterday, I was talking to my sister on the phone and my D got upset because she wanted to talk to me. She said something about me talking to someone who is more important than she was. I immediately cut off the conversation with my sister. I told H about both cases, where she said it about him and where she said it about me. He seemed completely understanding the whole time. I suggested that if we went with this alternative that we get D7 a calendar and clearly mark which days she was going to be where for several weeks in advance so that it is less confusing for her. That's an idea I read on another thread a while back (I think gabbysmom suggested it) and thought was really good.
I asked H to get back to me after he had time to think about it and let me know if he liked one of those options or if he thought of something else. He said that he would.
Then, he said something along the lines of this:
I want to say something. I want to tell you how much appreciate how great you've been the past couple of days. It's really helped me a lot. I know how hard this is for you.
I said:
Thank you. I'm not really sure what I did, but thank you for noticing.
He said: You've just been a friend. I was really missing that and I'm glad to have it back.
The conversation kind of ended on that note. I was a total mess on Tuesday when he told me, but I really haven't been where he can see/hear it since then. I am really proud of how I handled the schedule conversation. It was completely different for what I normally would have done, which is make a decision and tell him what it was and be closed-minded to any other suggestions (not great, I know).
