I've been thinking about you and your sitch. I know how hurtful the affair is.
The ow in my case was a good friend of mine. She used everything she knew about him, me, and our marriage against me. It hurt so much to be betrayed by two people I trusted.
We also all work for the same employer. So, there were times their A was flaunted in my face. Not fun.
A few things...
The whole "friends" line is total script, and you better believe your h is going to stick to it. They become very protective of their "friend" when the affair is shiny and new. The blinders are on, and your h isn't going to see any of OW's faults anytime soon.
From my own personal sitch and everything I have read here and other places, ow tend to be very messed up individuals. I recommend you do a internet search for "affairing down" / there is a lot of good info out there.
While my xf used her knowledge of me against me, she didn't think about it going both ways. I know how she really is (insecure, needy, miserable, terrible at making decisions, negative, judgemental, and a drama queen to name a few - lol!) I felt that if I gave it enough time, her fake facade of being so wonderful would crumble.
And it is. But it took YEARS, and h is still wrapped up in her drama.
You said you feel like you are chasing around in circles. Time to make yourself stop.
Don't be too hard on yourself about detaching, it does take time. Think of it this way - you can still care about your h, but remove yourself from his craziness. Don't be waiting for this sudden feeling of not caring about him anymore to take hold of you, and think that you are detached. He is your h, and even though his behavior is less than lovable now, you still love him and care for him. It's okay.
If he's truly MLC, he's not himself right now. Keep remembering that...
That's not to say he is excused for his hurtful behavior. He's not. He's choosing to act the way he is, and believe me, there will be short and long term consequences from it. Not your problem though.
What are your plans for the weekend?
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
