Lou - you may find it useful to look up treating obsessive compulsive disorder, for which I found cognitive behavioral therapy useful. In my case it was having someone (sister, friend, etc.) reassure me that it would be all right (I am eternally grateful to a nurse who said "time heals all things"), so getting out of tunnel vision panic mode.
You sound like a smart, interesting, fit, capable woman - and at least in my experience, an end is also a beginning. Let yourself be open to how other men (or women) perceive you - I bet you will see that they enjoy and find you worth being with. Know that you are worth a lot, and that your husband is a fool for not seeing this.
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
