Changing Times

[MamaB]

Well i called H to tell him I knew about the affair, it went something like this:

Me: I know a little about your affair.
H: I don't know what you are talking about.
Me: D10 found a bag with cards, books, and receipts for gifts.
H: I don't know about a bag.
Me: well one card said "Babe, when I saw you on your first day at corporate today I got butterflies in my stomach" it concluded with how she can't wait til you are all hers. D10 found them and D17 read them all and looked at the receipts from Tiffany's and Victoria Secrets.
H: Silence
Me: Ring any bells?
H: I am shamed.

It went on for awhile, he said that the affair ended last February which is the same month he filed for divorce. He said it lasted just over a year. I think it was longer, they were actively planning on his leaving me in February so I think he must have gotten involved before January, I know it should not matter, but even a year is such a long time.

When I showed my lawyer the "affair bag" she said to ask for a settlement proposal in the next 5 to 7 seven days. I did, he now wants to slow down the divorce and try to go to family therapy. I was floored, but really, I don't think he wants to be married to me, I think he feels embaressed and lost. Mindreading I know. I told him to go and talk to an IC and try to figure out why he feels out of control.

I still plan on going foward with divorce, mainly because I need to protect myself and the children who I'm raising mainly by myself, financially. I just don't trust that he wants the marriage, that he won.t get involved with someone else, or that this is a way to get me to move while still wanting a divorce down the line. Also, I just don't know if the affair is a deal braker.

He has taken full responsibility, so far, to my D17 and says he is trying to be the best man he can be. He says he is very sorry for the pain he has caused, but thought everyone would be happier. D17 started IC today, I plan on getting the two others in soon.

I'm a mess, again. I feel like all of the work I have done in thd last three months has vanished and I'm starting over.