Hey this has been a rough week.. if I am not running or recovering from running then I am obsessing.. I am too much alone I know that but too obsessed.. even when I am with people i am thinking about him.. even when I am planning for work I am thinking about him.. Luckily when I am with 25 kids I can not think about him..
He seems so set on divorce to help his anxiety.. he thinks it will go away once everything is organised.. we have never had a conversation about the consequences.. he just wants what he wants.. which is so not like him pre affair.
At the moment I can think straight but that is because i just finished a 12 k run.. in the morning I will be back to loopy town crying fits.. obsessing, planning, imagining conversations that might never take place. Trying to manipulate-- i know I am doing that..
Working on detaching but it is such an effort.. that is the reason for the bad week. I have not contacted him and I am so sad and so lonely and ..But I know that I have to detach for me.. and I just find it too hard.. I really wonder about this hanging on .. I am changing for me discovering a better version of me..
but maybe if I just wiped him.. left him totally it might hurt less..
