This is in response to last thread about men doing what their fathers did when that was the LAST thing they ever wanted to do....It's not just men. My W had a father that abandoned her, her brother and mother when she was 10 and brother 6 or 7. I won't go into details but he was as awful as they come, putting all the money and the business he AND her mom started and worked hard building in his GF's name (a woman who was "friends" with her mom), never paid a penney in CS, drug the divorce out until both kids were over 18 so he wouldn't have to pay more. The MC they went to said he had never seen anyone who fit the description of a psychopath better than he did. (he would sit and read magazines during sessions ignoring it all).
His poor treatment went on all her life (didn't bother to tell my W he was remarried let alone invite her to the wedding), he has no relationship with his son at all (his choice), the awful things go on and on. Before we married my wife swore she would NEVER put herself or her kids through a D, understood that love was verb, not a noun, etc.
Since her MLC (started when her grandfather died and her father said he wanted to make up for all the bad he had done, but only if she left me and her kids!)my wife has done a 180 on all of this. She says it's not D but how you act during and after that hurts the kids, said "we all hurt our kids, they'll get over it", says she loves me but "there are many kinds of love" and can't help if she feels this way. The topper is the thing she is "replaying" most is her relationship with her dad. He pushed her for years to leave me and her kids and do fun things with him like go to Europe together and is the ONLY person she talks to about her plans to D me. He also has told her to hide joint funds and how best to keep me from finding out (I did anyway) and is giving her money to help her leave. He now is just a great guy who was too hurt to be part of her life before. She doesn't see that she is becoming him!
It seems like MLC makes WAS's do the exact things they had said they would never, ever do and it's not just the men! I'm finding this out the hard way as well.
