25 - I get what you're saying. I even know, rationally, that I will be ok without my H. I'm still hoping for things to work out though. I'd like to think that it isn't too late and it is still possible that we'll R, even though that seems like a really remote possibility right now.
I'm concerned that my H is saying he still wants to be best friends (and acts like it in a lot of ways) because he feels guilty. I also feel pretty Machiavellian to acknowledge that one of the reasons I want to still be his friend is to keep a connection so that there is more possibility that we will R.
Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
That's a very tough thing b/c down deep our biggest fear is that somehow we brought this about ourselves, and or we worry that if we were nearly as great people as we hoped/believed we were, why would the person who knows us best, choose to leave us?
This is a recurring thought for me. What is so wrong with me that he can't love me? Even now, he tells me that he knows that he is a fool to leave me and that he will never find anyone better than I am. Maybe that's more stuff to make me feel better or to ease some of his guilt. He knows that it is the "wrong" decision but he "has" to do it anyway.
I know that I can be happy without my H. I wouldn't even say that right now, three days after he told me that he wanted a D, that I am unhappy. I laugh (like really laugh) and smile and joke around. D7 and I were giggling like crazy last night about me acting silly. I still find joy. Still, I want to be happy with my H, not without him. Clearly, I'm fighting acceptance.
