Mowed alot. Weeded. Cleaned the Jeep (outside and inside) with D11's help. Met with the Atty. Did some business via email. Laundry. Cat boxes were scrubbed. Cleaned in front of the barn. Reserved a truck.
I also got into an argument with my mom.
I was right about the dinner with stepdad tonight. Mom called and wanted to know the details from the attorney's appointment. I lost it on her. I'm not sure why? It set me off the rest of the evening. It really, really pi##ed me off.
I felt myself getting angry abou tons of stuff yesterday.
I'm so sick of my stepdad. Sick of hearing about him. Sick of listening to my mom shift things around FOR HIM.
Then, I felt bad for getting angry with my mom and called my sister. After that conversation, I felt both more irritated and guilty... Mom had already called sister and told her and, I'm sure, analyzed me to my sister. That's the thing we do. We analyze. So, I felt more angry at the thought of my life being analyzed AGAIN by mom and sis. Something needs to give her with all this talking behind my back. I'm sick of it.
Feel like the anger is boiling to the surface right now.
It's not in my stomach. It's on top. How do I deal with it before it goes back into hiding?
My mom treats me the way Smokey does. She comes first. Her needs come first. She puts stepdad first, still...
I know she has helped me in a million different ways during all of this. And, she has been there when I needed her. I really needed her this week with this and she bailed at the last minute.
So, I am angry and I feel guilty for feeling angry. Sums it up.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
And, there's always this one-up thing with the analysis. We know what you need to do. WE know best and YOU have issues to deal with and face and THIS is what YOU SHOULD DO.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
I hear ya GM. But, this is the guy who abused us, physically and verbally, for years and years. He cheated on her twice, that we know of. She has been living on her own for a year now and is seeing someone else.
She has been putting the pressure on me to get the divorce and detach and let Smokey go, while she still receives an allowance to live off from stepdad.
She can't understand why we don't want anything to do with stepdad who is violent and creepy.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Heather, I'm glad to see that you accomplished a lot yesterday. It should make you feel good that you can see some of your hard work and how it turned out. I see you reserved a truck for today and that's great. You relied on yourself to get this done.
As for your mother going out w/your stepdad, that's her business and you shouldn't be angry about it. Maybe she forgot about the trip to pick your daughter up today. We all have lapses of memory from time to time and it's something we have to learn to get over and accept that we can't always be first w/others. You are angry because she didn't put you first and come to your rescue once again.
Why get angry w/your mother calling your sister? Weren't you going to do the same thing and analyze the conversation as well? You and your mother, both, need to leave your sister out of your arguments if she's not part of the equation. Both of you need to sit down, like adults, and face the issues and resolve them together.
Your mother has a life of her own and yes, she should put herself first and do what makes her happy. You left the nest a long time ago and now have to learn to live independently and not rely so heavily on her to bail you out whenever you hit a brick wall. Your mother has been there for you a number of times over the last year and it's time to start thinking about how you can begin relying on yourself and when you do need help on those rare occasions, she might be more apt to help and change her plans, etc. for you.
You need to find something to take that anger out on and then sit down and think about it...you are a grown woman who is intelligent and should be able to handle such things as getting your daughter to and from school. I realize it's an expense that you hadn't planned on, but your mother would have paid for doing it for you, i.e., gas and mileage being racked up on her vehicle.
You may get angry w/me, but I think once you've calmed down, you should apologize to your mother and have a civil chat about what transpired.
Travel safely today and please remember...you only have one mother in this world.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
