Mowed alot. Weeded. Cleaned the Jeep (outside and inside) with D11's help. Met with the Atty. Did some business via email. Laundry. Cat boxes were scrubbed. Cleaned in front of the barn. Reserved a truck.
I also got into an argument with my mom.
I was right about the dinner with stepdad tonight. Mom called and wanted to know the details from the attorney's appointment. I lost it on her. I'm not sure why? It set me off the rest of the evening. It really, really pi##ed me off.
I felt myself getting angry abou tons of stuff yesterday.
I'm so sick of my stepdad. Sick of hearing about him. Sick of listening to my mom shift things around FOR HIM.
Then, I felt bad for getting angry with my mom and called my sister. After that conversation, I felt both more irritated and guilty... Mom had already called sister and told her and, I'm sure, analyzed me to my sister. That's the thing we do. We analyze. So, I felt more angry at the thought of my life being analyzed AGAIN by mom and sis. Something needs to give her with all this talking behind my back. I'm sick of it.
Feel like the anger is boiling to the surface right now.
It's not in my stomach. It's on top. How do I deal with it before it goes back into hiding?
My mom treats me the way Smokey does. She comes first. Her needs come first. She puts stepdad first, still...
I know she has helped me in a million different ways during all of this. And, she has been there when I needed her. I really needed her this week with this and she bailed at the last minute.
So, I am angry and I feel guilty for feeling angry. Sums it up.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
