I think I belong here #3

[praying_in_GA]

Well, the kids are now taking a true backseat to his life. :-(

I have worked the last two nights. He (again) left them at my house with his parents on Wed night. He says that it was so the kids can get used to being home all night with just his mom. I agree, that is important since she will take care of them once he leaves for the Navy. However, he didn't show back up until 2:30 the next afternoon. He said he spent the day working on stuff for his job (he was just hired yesterday). However, once he got to my house he went upstairs doing exactly those thigns he said he had spent the day doing. Lies.

The kids saw him after 5pm yesterday. He did stay with them alone tonight. So, basically, when I work two nights in a row, he skips night 1 and most of the day then sees them night two and leaves as soon as I get home that morning. :-(

My heart hurts for them. They miss him so much. He says I am making it a bigger deal more than they are...they are happy with Grandma. And he is right about that, they do love their Grandma....but they love him as well. Next week I am taking the oldest to a meet in another state. He originally said he would stay with the youngest. My son said that if Daddy was watching them he wanted to stay home but if Grandma is watching them then he wants to go. H said he may have something else to do that night so he is just going to plan on his mother watching them. Why?? Your son is ASKING to stay with you and you are going to tell him no.

For 8 years now he has been such an amazing dad. He was everything I ever wanted in a father for my kids. They were his world just as much as they are mine. Now they are 3rd in his life behind his friends and his own wants.

He finally got a job but it is only prn (as needed). So he could work full time or not all one week. He also told them he couldn't start until after his trip with his Dad in June...so another month of no income from him.

I honestly don't know how I want to see this end. He is changing almost daily. He is selfish and callous and cold. He is pushing for this divorce to be complete as soon as the ink touches paper. He is willing to give me anything I want if it will get my signature.

I don't want to be married to him anymore. I don't want to hang onto this dream world any longer. He will get his divorce after I have hired an attorney to cover my side of this. He is free to go. I am done. All I wanted was for him to be a good dad and that isn't happening. This is not the man I married...the father my kids have known...the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. I want to be loved and wanted and cherished. I want my kids to be important to the father in our lives. We all deserve better than he is giving us.

His brothers have loaned him the money for the divorce. This hurts. I know family stands behind family but I am not a cheater or an abuser. There is no need to rush this stupid piece of paper and it does hurt that they are helping him out so much. Why can he borrow money for a divorce but not to help me out with groceries? He has given me $100 in the last 3 weeks. He is living with his brother for free, his other brothers are paying for his divorce and loaning him money for gas, food, etc. He is living off of everyone around him...putting off jobs so he can go on a week long vacation. Putting off his kids so he can go do what he wants to do.

Why should I want to be with this man? What does he have to offer me? History, memories, and a dna connection to my children....that is all we share now. No love, no connection, no happiness, no kindness. There is nothing here for me anymore and I deserve way more than he can offer.