Biggus Dickus: Part 2

[LoisB]

Big A$$$, SOB, jerk, scumsucking pig, jack bag, dirtbag, d-bag...ALL THE BAGS.

I'm going to go mow some more. I'm mowing him out girlfriends. MOWING THAT MAN outta My HAIR!!

I'm mowing over him and dicing his nuts into tiny pieces.

In other news...I have a mom signing up her TWO children for five summer camp weeks. YES, I SAID FIVE!!!! :-)

[LoisB]

I wonder if anger is the ball of fire that stops me?? It just comes out like depression when I don't face it or get overwhelmed. Hmmmmmm....

[LoisB]

Originally Posted By: LoisB
I wonder if anger is the ball of fire that stops me?? It just comes out like depression when I don't face it or get overwhelmed. Hmmmmmm....

I believe it is. Your anger mostly seems to come from what's fair/not fair.

None of it's really fair. We can't change the fairness of it all.

There is a lot about my sitch that is unfair. An I used to be so angry about it all the time. That anger held me back big time.

But all it got me was anger. Didn't make anything more fair. Now I try to waste as little time thinking about his life vs. Mine.

I struggled to get where I am. No thanks to that Ahole. So I just appreciate where I am, and don't give his life a second thought.

And I have the honor of looking in the mirror every day and being proud of myself

Thanks GM. I'm going to meditate on this today. Try and let the anger lead me to the source, or, at least the next layer of the onion peel.

Finished another big chunk of the yard. Feels good. D11 cleaned out the inside of the Jeep and made it all pretty to help pay off more of her One Direction concert tickets. Life is good at this moment. I intend to focus on this moment.

[kml]

Smokey's solution is to sign the house over to me and me forego any retirement.

Is this wise? I thought there wasn't any equity in the house? If so you'd be trading an important asset (your share of his retirement) for nothing (zero equity).

I'd advise against this unless the numbers work out for you. I understand the desire to keep the family home, but if you aren't going to be able to refinance in the future, you're taking a big risk. Better to have an agreement that you get your share of the retirement, and after D is grown you either sell and split the house equity, or you buy him out of his half the equity at that time.

[Georgiabelle]

GM is right. IMHO, part of this is really being able to put your head on your pillow at night and say, "I did the best I could today and I feel good about it." None of us are perfect. However, I do think living well and being a good person who operates with integrity is something to be proud of.

In regards to the house vs retirement, I agree with kml. Look at this very closely. Don't give up the farm because it's what Smokey wants. You have to look out for your future and think about some different scenarios.

I love One Direction too. Those kids have great hair:)

[LoisB]

NO, NO, NO...

That's just what HE WANTS.

We are asking that I stay with D11 in the home for 5 years. There is no equity and I would never sign off on the retirement. It's my only retirement right now.

In his ideal world, I take the house, he takes the retirement. His retirement is ???, $500,000??? because of PERS and the house has $105,000 owed with maybe a few thousand in equity because I modified the loan last fall.

A day at a time. We shall ask for the 5 years and see what the come back with. The house has always been an issue with FIL. I shoulda known it would be the "hill" he wants to die on...but, I'm jumping to conclusions. There are ways around this.

[LoisB]

And, one other point...Smokey is dealing with his completely adolescent brain right now. IN HIS WORLD, she gets the house and I keep my retirement. IT makes perfect sense to HIM. It won't, however, make perfect sense to FIL. FIL will see the financials with a grown up lawyer brain as opposed to Smokey's teenage version.

This is all in FIL's lap right now. Smokey will jump where they tell him to. He is a child.

I need to keep calm though and not jump to the worst conclusion. They won't like the idea of me staying in the house, but this house is a property from my family. I just wish my grandmother had deeded it to me. Dammit.

Anyway, I will keep you all posted. I AM NOT giving up retirement just because Smokey wants it. Over my dead body.

[LoisB]

Ok. So, earlier I mowed and worked outside. I got a big chunk of the front yard mowed. I, then, came in and had a nice lunch and felt whipped. So, I took a time out and napped for an hour or so.

I thought I'd wake up feeling recharged and ready to tackle the rest of the day. Instead, I felt the overwhelm brewing. I'm sitting with it and writing down the ToDo's. I'm putting them into categories.

One overwhelm is the yard. We have 5.5 acres. About two acres is woods, but the rest needs mowed. And, I only have a push mower that I bought last year. It's a great little push mower, but still it's a push mower.

I could feel the "it" growing in my stomach as I thought about how I was going to keep up with the mowing and working and yadda, yadda...and, Sea Biscuit was off and running.

For practical purposes, I'm going to break down the yard into 7 normal size yard sections (like a yard you would see in a development). I'm willing to use the mowing as exercise for 45 to an hour a day, four times per week, but that leaves me a little depleted when it comes to weeding and other outdoor tasks. So, I will delegate three of these sections to the girls and one student who has offered to help.

It helps to break this down like this. Still want to explore the feeling.

[BklynMom]

Do you have any room in house to have a roommate that would trade rent for outside work?

[LoisB]

Thanks Brook. I wish I did. It's a small two bedroom with no basement and big yard. I suppose, in a pinch, I could share a room with D11, but, then I'd have no space when D19 comes home from college.

I finished the front section of mowing and weeded some in my big flowerbed.

I love working outside. In fact, I'd take it any day over inside stuff. I think the ticket may be to find help with the indoor chores that get overlooked when summer comes round. The dishes and laundry piles up and so forth. I have to have the house in order, however, to accommodate clients. I need to think on this. I may need to come up with some ideas for extra money to pay for some help with a few things monthly, just to get through the summer.

I still feel the overwhelm but working outside really helped today. I also checked in with two girlfriends. The yard work makes my body a different kinda tired. I like it. I feel like I will sleep with no problem. :-)