It is good that you vent here. The other issue is that your son needs to have a stable schedule. He needs to know exactly what days he will be you. He needs it to become a habit so that he feels safe. Safety and security at his age is very important for healthy growth.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Maybe you could get a commitment of the three days she is so willing to swap out, before you agree to what days you give up. Since this has proven to be only her lip service all the other times.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi - I want nothing from her. Nor do I want to set the precedent that all of the stuff in the agreement is negotiable if it suits her ill. I DO believe that if we made an agreement to swap days she would honor it - but I don't ever want to be in her dent or have her say "well, you did it last time...."
This is the part of the WAS attitude that irks me-- like they want everything to be la-dee-dah we are buddy buddy and not have to accept that there is emotional collateral. That doesn't mean we will be adversarial-- we can be perfectly collaborative and respectful co-parents...but it also doesn't mean we have to go out of our way for them the way we would for others who show us love and friendship and forgiveness and patience. They chose to end that relationship with us!
That doesn't mean you have to say no "just because" or to teach her a lesson. But you can say no if you want without feeling bad about it.
"Thank you for suggesting, but I am not comfortable with selecting your vacation dates for you. All that I ask is that he can be here for Father’s Day if you choose to go in June. Other than that, any dates that fit within the agreement are yours to take. I do hear your points, but I am sticking to the terms in the agreement from this point forward. I do not want any of your days in exchange."
Me-48,W-51 M-22,T-24 S- 18,16,9 Feb-Jul '11 Away from Home, after initial B date Aug-Dec '11 Back at Home on couch Dec '11-now Same bedroom, room mates only Dec '14 W files initial D paperwork
Someone please talk me off the ledge.....this was her reply. I am going to lose it. Seriously...I am close.
"Are you willing to discuss the matter with my mom? I understand you wanting to dig your heels in on not be flexible with me, but I think you are forgetting that Corbin is affected, as are my parents, as am I. This is an issue that will not go away with time. My only other option would be to go back to the court and ask the decree to be re-written. I am not willing to proceed in the years to come with my parents seeing Corbin less than a week each year."
WHAT THE F*CK?!?!?!?!?!? She's affected?! S is affected?! Her parents are affected?! I'M HIS DAD!!!! I HAVE BEEN AFFECTED MORE THAN ANY OF THEM!!!!!!!! THIS IS WHAT A GOD D@MN DIVORCE IS!!!!!! EVERYONE LOSES!!!! Now she's going to drag me back to court to alter a divorce decree she agreed to?!?!?!?!?!
Excuse me, but is this the REALITY hitting her?!?!?! I have been shielding her for it from so long and NOW that it hits her she wants to take me back to court?!?!?!?! HER MOTHER EVEN TEXTED ME ASKING FOR "SPECIAL CONSIDERATION" for his SUMMER BREAK!!!!
I am NOT digging in my heals to dig in my heals!!!!!!!! IT'S THE AGREEMENT!!!! IT'S PART OF THE DIVORCE THAT SHE WANTED!!!!!!!!!! Divorce is not a picnic and you need to think it through....she didn't. Period.
HOW DARE she say "it affects her"!!!!!! Please someone talk me off the ledge....I am coming unglued. I HONESTLY tried to be polite and fact based in my reply. THIS IS RIDICULOUS!!!
Consult things with your L. If she wants to take your son to her parent's place, then she should do it on her time. Not yours. Just as if you wanted your son to spend time with your relatives, you would do it on your own time. Specify that with her and be adamant about it.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Breath buddy. Hold on a bit. Do not respond today or tomorrow. Take a deep breath. This aint the end of the World. You can not allow others to dictate how you feel or react. That would be on you.
Stick to the agreement. And what will she take you to court for? For following what you both agreed upon?
She knows how to push your buttons and you fall for it.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
