Discovering the buck stops here....

[mizjjd]

Job, FY, Lois and kml thank you all for stopping by.

It is so very nice to log in and find responses!

Job, I don't know what I want. I really truly don't. I know things I don't want. Right now I have a life defined by negatives.. lol. Would he get huffy if I said the ow has to go despite all the niceties? Possibly, maybe. Yesterday at counseling H turns to me and says "Any issues you feel you'd like to talk about?"

I told him the biggest issue is OW. That yes, there are other issues too, but that for me none of the others are deal breakers.

This always seems to be a surprise to H. He feels that because he says they are "past all that" that I should be fine with their "friendship".

FY, it is nice to have blinds, I must admit. And I don't miss doing laundry at all.

You mention being suspicious, and rightfully so. Just don't let that hold you back from accepting positive things from H.

Be open to where this may lead... you never know.

This is pretty much the crux of my feelings. Because I do know H is trying. In fact, he may be giving it all he's got right now. And I feel it is wrong to... to what? To ignore his offerings, to tell him they aren't good enough.

To tell him its too little too late.

And that folks, is exactly what I am afraid is the case. Lol, shoe is on the other foot, I'm nearly a WAS. Its going to take a lot of time and patience on H's part to fix what's been broken. I don't have enormous faith in him investing that much energy in "us", in me. Its been an awful, awful long time since he's wanted to connect with me.

A reconnection with OW in the wings isn't particularly appealing.

Then this morning on the way to work H says "It took me forever to figure out how to do it, but I removed the password from my phone." See, that's H trying. That's a concession. Probably took great effort, humility to do that.

But all I can say, in my head and heart, is "that's a start...maybe..."

And lunch is over.

Take care,

~~Jaye~~