want to say how this whole thing makes me sick( he knows that) you know what bothers me... he goes on dates. he has his single life. he spends minimal time with the kids. How am I supposed to be ok with that?
I tell myself to stop.
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
im just realizing h's narcisstic behavior. He acts as though he is doing me a favor. he talks about what he has lost...sorry but he is the driver of that bus. He says he will see the kids whenever he can....always on his time line.
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
I'm sorry you are struggling right now. You are correct that life isn't fair. However, there are also consequences to our actions. Please remember your h has to own his relationship with the kids. You shouldn't facilitate or navigate. It's all on him. And while I understand and can relate to the " how can he not see them?", again he must own that and all that comes with it.
We all want to protect our children and it is especially disheartening to protect them from the hurt of someone who loves them. However, it's all on your h.
Be kind to yourself.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
did fine on my skills checkoff. now tests are are left. I generally do fine on those.
d16 is up complaining of her throat. we will prob be at dr tomorrow. she gets strept.
need to spend time looking over financials. 3 years spousal and less year by year. need to talk to my L
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
3 years spousal support after 21 years of marriage and with a disabled child? What state do you live in??? Most places support would be one half the number of years married (unless your income greatly Increased)
he will support our D forever. and then life insurance is in place for her future care as well. live in the great state of TX which( I think) is terrible for women(in my case) we are negotiating all the financials now. gives me a big headache. at the very best I will made 1/4 of what he does and I do all the kid stuff. I know its awful and sad to say, but I want him to feel the pinch financially. he has never thought twice about spending money. way he grew up
he is the one that wants the d.
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
just reading a bit here and I wanted to tell you that in all probability- it'll be okay- the working thing. I haven't worked in 20 years either- i'm 63 (used to be legal secretary) - last year - for a week or two - i had a job in a trucking firm ( of all things) - just a connection thru a friend. it was nothing like i ever did or (really) could "do" quickly. very complicated old computer input of many paged forms- all numbers- someting you'd have to do all day for a week before you even began to know the ins and outs of it.
POINT IT- I LIKED IT ALOT! it made me remember how nice to get up and have a purpose that day. nice to get a paycheck. nice to put on makeup and dress up with a reason. fun to meet all the new people- each one had their own little quirky side- ya forget about offices full of people. it was very good to go & interact all day- the days sped by.
here's the thing- when they realized they didn't really need me in this particular job - which i did rite away and took them two weeks - i didn't even mind getting let go. it was the right decision- my age & self-worth i guess made it not personal. it was all positive- the goofy little two week sting. it MADE ME REMEMBER that work is okay, and i don't mind it really. i wasn't making much money- it just didn't matter.
it was some other place & way of looking at life & type of life- OUT OF THE HOUSE - and it was good. i realize it was only a short stint and after a few years work is work- but all things being considered. i kind of look forward to when i finally make a decision here- get off my dead butt & go out and get a real job and get on with it all.
just sayin. thought i'd just throw th is junk in- you can do it and will probably like it more than you think.
it's weird- interviews & resumes and so forth- it's a hard job market- but i have a sister waaaay more "out there" than me, almost as old, kids to support on her own- she does it. she gets jobs - she earns money- she makes her life happen with no help from no one- ta da.
in retrospect- i realize the magnitude of what my mom accomplished too- amazing that she had an "estate" to leave- she did it on her own , with no education, no help, no kidding.
it's heartening to think of what goes on around us - and we do n't really stop and SEE every day- the personal triumphs and success stories of people we know who truly do rise above incredible disabilities and obstacles and just go forward & do it.
i'm hoping when the time comes i do it too- i think i can- i think you can - good luck.
as far as your h - i know, sad isn't it? what jack@sses they are to destroy what we had that really was good - then be havin their ole fun new life (just like they somehow are more entitled to "it all" and happiness than the rest of us) it's a sad and shallow thing- i have no idea where their brains and consciences & decency went. oh well huh? they leave a wake of destruction and don't even realize. no empathy i think...
they are selfish and self-absorbed. i feel like i'm just some tv show he turns on now or then. he thinks i'm his "home" - tho he's not at home much. cripes - i'm still "doing this" but just- one of these years he'll have to pick ow or old life i guess - for the moment i am shilly-shallying around with not getting a fulltime job- and not "getting real" about life .(or something)
my mom passing away seems to signal something- idk what exactly in me. i'm just getting over this stupid giant cold and trying to get some feelings back inside me. i thought all the complaints and hard feelings and animosity died with her- wrong-o.
my sisters are a real hostile bunch- it just gets better all the time huh?
oh well- hang on man- i meant this to be encouraging - i hope it was- i think you'll actually feel good and like it when you're working. getting that job- it's a bit harder but honestly- i think doable for both of us.
my stinkin pollyanna little "hope" thig.. fingers crossed that i'm right. good luck - you'e doin great ya know.
it's heartening to think of what goes on around us - and we do n't really stop and SEE every day- the personal triumphs and success stories of people we know who truly do rise above incredible disabilities and obstacles and just go forward & do it.
i'm hoping when the time comes i do it too- i think i can- i think you can - good luck.
...
trying to learn this quote thing....this Nero, what you say...about the people all around us.. Maybe some of the good that has come out of all of this is this realization. There are so many good people out there struggling day to day to get by and they do so. The world is not about WBW. We each and everyone one of us out there has our stuff to deal with. Yes, even that ow- would not want to be her! Anyway, trying to be kinder and gentler and less judgemental.
I still feel sad for h and all that he is willing to give up. in retrospect, h was never a big family guy...no relationship with his sisters. its sad. I knew this about him and still liked him anyway.
I am a spiritual person. Have to trust that there is a plan for me. some good to come.
was in my hometown for Easter. had a pic with my mom and 4 sisters. My mother was snoozing the whole time. She doesn't talk anymore but will smile on occasion. She still likes to eat!
thank you for checking in Nero. I just said to myself this morning.... NEW BEGINNING!! Come on!!
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
I am trying to do "business only" in dealing with h.
will see if he goes to s17 race this weekend. I can see him skipping because he is a big baby! h has not faced me since saying he wants d to continue. D16 was sick yesterday. h can't come by to visit. I want to say...way to go h! Way to see d16 whenever you can! h will be out of town all of next week next week. time with kids less and less part of the script right?
got things on my list to do....all good. love making lists and checking stuff off!
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
S20 got home from college last night. he comes in kisses his sister. immediate bonding with his brother. Gosh I love these kids. my gift from my h and M.
s20 mentioned making an app with therapist . I said of course. He does this on his own. the boys do not know d is in full progress. at this point, not sure, do tell them?, let h tell them?...don't see us doing this together anymore. h and I had talked to boys together last year when h moved out.
h will be moving to another city- 4hr plane ride away. he will keep his apt here until oct. after that, when he comes to town he will stay in a hotel.
we have had no convo about seeing kids. thought he would offer to pick up s20 last night from A/P but he did not. I did not ask.
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
