Keeping the secret

[CallaghanClown]

Thanks guys

No contact with H this week. I took the kids to see him on Sunday for a few hours and its been nothing but drama from D6 since. H wouldn't make any arrangements to see the kids, so I made the decision to take them to see him. The kids then wouldn't go with him alone, so I took them to the park for a few hours to play with him. H cried a lot, the kids cried a lot. They were just so confused. I've had to answer some very adult questions from D6 again....I didn't think there were any more adult questions she could possible ask.

I'm very conscious to let her talk as much as she wants to. I absolutely never tell her to stop, never refuse to answer. I do tell her some things are 'adult' and not for her to worry about BUT that if she is worried I am happy to talk about it.

I'm feeling the consequences of 'be careful what you wish for'. I didn't want any contact with H, and now I have none I'm panicking. I feel terribly for my kids, as I know they love their daddy, but they are so affected by his behaviour every time they spend time with him.

I'm having a really down day today. I dreamt about H all night and have woken exhausted and fed up. I absolutely know this feeling wont last, but it bites hard when I've been doing so well. These backwards days are all part of the journey, but they aren't my favourite days.