Smarting off to my mother like that would have earned me a trip to the cellar for a beat down...
I think some one on one time with each of the boys is in order. Let them talk freely for a spell with no repercussions... Just be prepared to hear some stuff you aren't going to like. Unfortunately, that is part of the journey. Kids matter and how they feel matters. Listen to their words and watch their faces and observe the body language. It is going to tell you a lot. Saturday morning breakfast with a boatload of food helps... Just thinking out loud.
They don't have to know everything that is happening. They just need to know that Mom and Dad got their backs and they are loved.
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out” ― Art Linkletter
