When I discuss revisiting and such I am referring to doing it in counseling. You have to get to the source of the infection in order to "cure" it.
For me, it was finding the source of my anger which was physical and sexual abuse, and dealing with. To do that I spent some time with my psychologist and talked and worked it out. It was probably one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.
As far as the kids "spilling the beans", you and your W are going to have deal with the fallout already going on and tell them that Mom and Dad's business is just that... Mom and dad'd business. No one elses... What happens at home needs to stay at home. I am betting that you can do this in a clean and respectable manner.
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out” ― Art Linkletter
