Spoue tried I didn't, now opposite #2

[MrCAS]

I should've been smarter to know what was going on, all the warning signs were there, and in-laws kept reiterating it to W.

Smarter? How? When I started my business back in NY and was working crazy hours, I never saw what was happening. I was too busy. I was working hard to make a future for the two of us. Too bad I didn't see how resentful my w was becoming because of it.

It looks like JF did the same thing. I can think of many people that walked that path. Does that make us bad guys? Not by a long shot. It just means we made a mistake. Beating ourselves up about it isn't going to change anything. We do, however, have the knowledge and the power to not let it happen again.

Why we were feeling left out of all the fun, we didn't see all the work that they were doing making sure everything else got done. We were too focused on one facet our blinders allowed us to see.

In my case, my wife resented that was doing what I wanted for a living. She saw what she perceived as me having "fun" and getting paid for doing it. She didn't see all the BS I had to deal with.

I saw what I wanted to see and she saw what she wanted. We both couldn't have been more wrong about each other. I remember my Daddy telling me, "Son there is three sides to every story... Your side... her side... and the truth". He wasn't referring to truth as we see it, either.

JF was absolutely correct when he says you have to own your own part. "Owning it" means accepting responsibility and doing something to correct it to make sure it does not repeat itself.

I never invited my family into our struggles by being too proud to admit I couldn't handle it.

It is, IMO, never a good thing to bring friends and family into the marital issues. Ultimately, the family will divide into two camps of alliance. You will either be a no good SOB or your W will be a no good (fill in your own word). It turns into a no win situation.

You will be offered all kinds of advice or horror stories about Uncle Jack and his first wife or the best friend's wife's hairdresser's cousin's son's stepson adopted daughter... Not to mention the hard feelings generated when you didn't follow the "sage" advice that ensues.

Pride goes out the window at this point, buddy. As hard as it is to admit that you are broken, it is the first step into reclaiming your life. You are going to have to go to some painful places... Re-visit some painful times... and make some hard decisions.

Let us know what happens at the doctors.