Well I didn't intentionally leave a door open. She has access the same way any stranger does. No one can peruse my page, only see who I am. I didn't block her from facebook. I didn't know that I could. And now that I do - I'm not even giving her the time to block her. I guess I could show her that I meant what I said.. but after 3 years, I don't want to waste the energy.. or teach her how to treat me. I am moving on. Period.
It's annoying because I don't find it very loving of her. I'm not giving her ANY indication that her being any part of my life is welcomed at this time. She asked me to leave her alone. I have respected those wishes for 3 years. Sure I would love to reach out to her when I miss her or when things remind me of her, but that is not what she asked.. and it is not healthy for me to stay connected to her.
I guess I just wish that she was more self-aware. I do not expect her to care about me as a spouse or even as a friend, but this act was selfish. Her motive was her own and she in no way thought about how it would affect me. And that is something that even a stranger would do.
If I wasn't clear about what I wanted or what I didn't like 6 months ago - I would be more gracious. But I'm done. Not angry. Not confused. Just over it. I took the 100+ steps. I'm not taking any more.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
A small gesture when she has specifically stated what she wants from me - not being part of her life?
A small gesture when I have specifically set boundaries that I don't really want anything to do with her?
I think not. Maybe the gesture is small... but it's never about the action, it's about the motive.
And Gabby - I would be equally upset with anyone who I feel has disrespected something that I have asked for.
This is not an issue of if I'm over her. It's an issue of - this was HER choice. She needs to accept the consequences of her actions.
Guarding my heart is not wrong here. Yes - I realize that I am emotional about it which is why I'm not blocking or sending her an email asking her to not contact me.
But in my eyes.. she is the same person. And I am not. And I have no interest in playing in the same dynamic of our relationship - and yes that includes a tiny action such as a facebook like.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
"The amount of drama I experience in life is in direct proportion to the degree to which I hallucinate I can control other people, their opinions of me, or the outcome of events. Low control issues = low drama quotient. It's that simple." Jacob Nordby
This is just another blip in the road of growth.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
"The amount of drama I experience in life is in direct proportion to the degree to which I hallucinate I can control other people, their opinions of me, or the outcome of events. Low control issues = low drama quotient. It's that simple." Jacob Nordby
This is just another blip in the road of growth.
great quote!!
Val, I'm Not sure why this triggered so much for you either, b/c I thought you did want "some" type of r with her as long as you felt safe, and she did, too...
and so for her, maybe, "liking" a picture feels like a small olive branch saying "i do still care...but I need limits" and that might be her limit. Other than blocking her, what the heck can you DO about this?
I like that you don't want to take the energy to block her (even if it may have been wise to do sometime in the past).
I'd hang onto that type of thinking, but that's just my .02
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
