Barrybran - New Thread

[Barrybran]

Thanks for the suggestions everyone. I had a think about things and I felt that setting a positive example for the kids by celebrating family events was more important than any potential negative feelings my wife would experience from receiving a gift that I had a hand in. I had a pretty good idea based on something my son and eldest daughter said so I took them to get some supplies. It was a bit of a mission as I had to take them to my wife's work, she hung around in the aisle I needed, she knew what I was up to and the kids were more interested in toys and squeaky dog toys than they were in getting things for Mum.

The hardest part of it all was telling the babysitter that I would be doing something for Mother's Day. Our babysitter has been fantastic. She knows what's going on here though she never brings it up and she volunteered to step in and help the kids make something for my wife. After reading responses here and thinking about it I felt that the kids need to see me leading the way rather than an outsider to our family.

In other news, I've had a pretty interesting couple of days as far as money is concerned. I feel I'm being tested in some way. I'm struggling to make ends meet at the moment while my wife bought a new car this week and received a significant sum of money in child support from D4's bio Dad. I'm happy for for her. It's brought to light some issues for me though. Being all new and shiny, my wife wants to keep her car to herself and I understand that. That means I have to get the kids around in my car and my car isn't really big enough for three car seats. On top of that, I don't want to keep moving seats between cars. My week has largely been car research, car seat research and looking over my budget to see where I can squeeze extra dollars out. I love my car and I don't want to replace it. I found a way to get the kids around comfortably though my car is eight years old and it's highlighted that if I do start having problems with my car I won't have enough money to replace it.

I thought back to The Way of the Superior Man and how David Deida suggests to visualise where you want to be in five years. He mentioned that most people don't get where they want to be but they have a road map that guides them in that general direction. I've never had a road map. I've just glided through life. I've fallen into jobs, in and out of relationships with friends and intimate partners and I've gone with the flow. It's why I've had money and lost (spent ) it. I'm a 30 year old man working mostly with teenage girls who can't afford a new car if the one I have breaks down. I'm OK with where I'm at however it has raised some serious questions about where I see myself in ten years. Do I see myself in the same job knowing that I'm getting older, the average age of the girls I'm working with remains the same and I could feasibly employ my eldest daughter by that time? Do I see myself driving my current car and dealing with problems when they arise or do I figure out what I see myself in and adjust my financial position so I can afford what I want when the time arises?

It's been a thought provoking week indeed. It's really made me focus on the kids and I and leave my wife to her own devices. I'm sure she still wants her own space with me living somewhere else. I'm focused on getting my financial position in order while remaining true to what I want (maintaining my family unit) without actively pursuing it. I do need to do some more deep thinking and start writing down what I want in life and build my own road map.