Dealing with an ongoing affair

[PeterV2]

Then I posted this on 5/5/14

Just had a crisis.
W came to my house around 1:30pm today to cook a big steak dinner for her mum, her daughter and me. All was going well until she wanted to log on to my computer to look up something on the internet but I had changed my password. She asked if it was to keep her Out and I said yes, because in the past she went in an deleted files. And besides she changed all the passwords on her computer. She said that I changed my password because I don't want her to know I'm watching porn. I said that's not the reason. I said I have some private things on my computer that I don't want to share at this time. Then she started talking about our relationship and I stopped her, saying I don't want to talk about our relationship until your affair is over and the OM in no longer in our life. She asked if she can just be friends and I said no, no contact forever, period. She asked how she should prove it and I said open up your phone, computer and all communication methods to my random inspection - that would be the only way I could see. She started talking about the relationship again and I just put my hand up and said when the affair is over we can talk. She said she's done and walked out of the room. Just then her daughter pulled in for dinner. Dinner was very tense. W & I exchanged very few words. The tension was palpable. D & mum were uncomfortable. Then W went for a walk with D and when they return W just packed up all the extra food and left without saying good bye to me. She is very angry at me now. I spoke with D briefly after W & mum left and she can see that things are not going too well today. I told her not to worry about us. What happens will happen - we just have to let the process unfold. Now 15 minutes later W is back at her retirement home business and is asking me to send her a lease agreement for the live-in staffer that we're planning on bringing in. Then W can get her own apartment and move out of the business. I really don't feel like writing up a lease agreement tonight for my WAW. Cake eating if you ask me. She has a copy of one I wrote two weeks ago that she could edit. Who am I? Her secretary I don't even feel like answering her text. I won't.
Called my IC. We had a long talk. Looks like I did the right thing putting my foot down about the R and not talking about it until the A is over - thanks Sandi. It was very hard though. I was all anxious and tense but a couple of glasses of wine and an hour on the phone with my therapist (who is so great and supportive) helped calm me down. I sent the W a text telling her I didn't want her reading stuff on my computer that is very personal and would be open to misinterpretation by her. But she just responded with the details she wanted in her lease agreement she expected me to write. Yeah, right. I have detached.
Tomorrow we have to go together with her mum to the immigration folks about her mum having to leave the country. Ill just be polite, cheerful, focus on mum and mum's needs and be poised and well dressed. Ill be the best I can be. That's all I can do. No apologies for the ultimatum. No regrets, I am strong. I'm a good man. Wish me the strength to persevere.
Thank you.