So last night XW's best friend (known each other 20 years...all the way back to IA) called me. X hasn't communicated with her since December....they had a misunderstanding and she basically cut her out out of her life after 20 years and her friend didn't know why. XW had actually told me about it a few months ago and her friend was asking me for clarity and XW's side of the story. I tired to help her out without giving too much -- but long story short, friend said she feels like she was cut out of XWs life without warning or explanation. I understood.
So her friend went on to give me some insight on things that I really didn't have. I guess in her 20 years of knowing her she has seen her go through a lot of hard times and relationships with men other than me. Her take is that this is kind of a reaction relationship. Meaning that she had been on her own so long that she just wanted/needed attention in a way - friend said that she had seen it before with her and the guys are always kind of in the "really? him? why?" category. She also said that X had confided in her at some point after she had been on her own for awhile after the D that she just wanted to find someone and was basically feeling alone. She also said that at some point X told her that she didn't know how to be a wife or married because it was never modeled for her in her childhood - all she had as a reference was movies and film. I found that interesting because there is a paragraph or two in DR that talks about that. Anyway, it was interesting to hear - all of it, actually. It doesn't change anything at all -- but sometimes getting the perspective of someone that is familiar and has a long history is helpful in terms getting a deeper understanding. I'll say it again....it does not change anything. And at a bare minimum it was nice to talk to an old friend that I kind of lost in the D.
OK OK OK 25 -- I will do the scuba lessons! I'll keep you posted!
