This, That and The Other

[SemperFi00]

Also, think about your spoken and unspoken agreements with W about money. You've brought up the subject of money several times in your thread. It's important to you. How does that inform your Rs?

Coming back to ^^^^ but this post felt like it was getting long

$$$ is almost always an interesting / touchy topic isn’t it? I remember going to our pre-M weekend and one of the couples saying that the 2 most important (and most argued about) topics in a M are often $$$ and sex.

Since about the 4th or 5th year of our nearly 22 yr marriage, I have been the primary $$$ earner. We made decision that it was important to us to have one parent at home with young kids and we decided at the time that it should be W.

In general we have been blessed in the fact that $$$ have never been a major issue for us. Have generally always been able to have the lifestyle we want while saving substantially for retirement. What I have come to learn over the years is that W leans more to the “spending/enjoy life” side of the equation and I am more of the “save/delayed gratification” side. Both of us grew in families that had enough but not much.

Until awhile after B-date, this wasn’t a problem – at least not an acknowledged one. W managed the budget, bills and household finances and I went to work to earn/provide. There were a couple of very minor arguments when cc balances had grown and W had hid that from me – 2 different times writing me letters and leaving them in the car for me to find outlining the situation and telling me how sorry she was about not telling me about the situation.

At times I was irritated about the spending and lack of $$$ mgmt but just dealt with it and rationalized that what I was getting in return (i.e. parent at home with children, household upkeep, companionship, life parter, physical connection, etc….) was worth it and addressing the issue was not worth the conflict.

The family dynamic for me growing up was similar – dad was saver, mom was spender, didn’t have much “extra” and often paid bills late (sometimes after power, water, etc was turned off). Ughh – not fun times!!! I am sure that is one of the reasons that I am still frugal to this day even though we have been blessed in that area and are nowhere close to being the same situation as growing up.

While all of our setup may have worked when M was ok and W was engaged, I am finding it harder and harder to not feel angry/resentful/hurt/disrespected etc… when similar things happen now.

Does any of that make sense????