Happy Day ... woke up to a nice dream (Xbf serving me coffee in bed, like he used to for 20years). Had an early morning client appointment. Sold the client. While organizing, xbf asks if I wanted to catch breakfast? I stated Yes! and suggested we could have a decent meal (opposed to a quick Mcmeal) along our route to pick up more inventory. He then suggested a local restaurant in town.
I was feeling bad, feeling that I may have directed/controlled the breakfast... so asked if he meant McDonalds instead. He clearly stated that it was in his mind that If we sold a vehicle, that he wanted to celebrate and go out for breakfast. <<<<THIS is huge for him. This used to be an area that was a prob in our rel'p because he never wanted to celebrate successes. I am very happy that he is trying to work on that, looking at the glass half full, etc & the positives. I am glad that he wanted to celebrate with me.
During our breakfast, I didn't want to just discuss work, so I decided to share what I had learned last night at my meeting. The topic was mentorship & what we had to offer. I described how when it became my turn to sit on the "hot seat", how rewarding it was to hear nice things about myself that others could see in me & what I had to offer. One of them being how to have a successful 20 yr rel'p, and another being having a successful sexual rel'p for 20 years, amongst entrepreneurship, etc. I told him how I view our rel'p as successful and not a failure & that we did have many qualities for successful LTR. Based on a book I am reading. He agreed. I was eager to share & was elated but, didn't quite have his full attention after while. I was not projecting or discussing our relationship, but in general terms. He is said he was overwhelmed with things on his plate (business transaction, sump pump, branches on property, etc). He mentioned that its important to have relationships with other men. We discussed the importance, etc. as well as having mentors/peers for guidance to what we want for ourselves (as individuals). As breakfast ended, I apologized if it appeared as pressure but that I was just sharing my new discoveries and that I won't discuss anymore unless he wants to ask about it. He stated he did, just maybe not now. I didn't want it to come across as therapy session. We then drove to our pick up location and joked a lot about sex & relationship styles and being open to your partner. Talked about some love languages & how I appreciated his coffee's in the morning. Things like that were important. I told him about my morning dream & that his parents were in the dream as well. He seemed to like that. He told me how it was his dads idea to have his mom come for their usual Friday morning breakfast in lieu of Mothers Day. He is very happy about that!
We then carried on to visit one of our associates, & he seemed to be enjoying my questions to him & my easy goingness. He was not in a rush at ALL.
We have now parted ways for a couple hours until our next appointment. He was sure to keep me on the phone the entire drive in separate vehicles.
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To respond to you Job:
my thoughts about reviewing dating sites: it is not because I was knee-jerk reacting. This is something that I have been thinking about for a bit, because "IF" I remain single... I want to interview & not just jump at the first guy who comes along (like I ALWAYS DO). I know I am not ready for a relationship with anyone else. My goal in dating would be to gain confidence and to interview what I like & don't like...to be picky!!! Not to settle.
I can see that it may appear as a reaction... but, assure you that it is not. And it is definitely not to push Xbf along..infact, I feel that would scare him off & away from me. Thats why I want to be certain "I" am ready because I would have to face the fact that it means we are done. No reconciliation. I would have to be totally comfortable knowing that.
As you stated ... I am going to embrace being single & look for all the ways that single hood can be a bonus (with the exception of dating)... meanwhile, leaving the door ajar to the possibility.. I do want to live my life to the fullest! I don't want to.. nor do I mean to spend all my time dwelling on my situation. I don't! I just get caught up sometimes, mainly because I am so lonesome for my old life.
Coffee? Yes, Friends have coffee..... but, daily/guaranteed??? I am trying to take it out of "work time"...but there I go, trying to control it again... I see that today. My thought was that he was getting his "fix" on company time...therefore why see me off hours? There is little motivation to see me off hours. I need to let go of that control... if he wants to see me off hours, then he will ask for it....if not, then it is what it is... 2 business partners, having friendly coffee.
LETTING GO OF CONTROL !!!!
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
... woke up to a nice dream (Xbf serving me coffee in bed, like he used to for 20years). Had an early morning client appointment. Sold the client. While organizing, xbf asks if I wanted to catch breakfast? I stated Yes! and suggested we could have a decent meal (opposed to a quick Mcmeal) along our route to pick up more inventory. He then suggested a local restaurant in town.