living with WAW who hasn't walked yet (4)

[sandi2]

You said it was too bad that confrontation doesn't work. Work how? I think I told you it was not an automatic fix. You have to have something more than simply approaching and telling her you know about the A. And the idea of confronting her......to seek admission from her seems kind of......empty! IMO. That is why she has continued to deny it and you continue to be frustrated.

I still say your big hang up is the idea that she's lying and thinks your buying. You want her to know that you know. So tell her you know. But do NOT present some "plan" or a list of options for her to choose. She chooses you or the A.

Need I remind you that she is not in the frame of mind to listen to all that stuff you listed? And she sure doesn't give a flip about your needs.....or even working on the M. Don't give her a five point outlined sermon. It is not the time. Keep it simple. If she chooses you, then that discussion can come later.

But what if she doesn't choose you.....or plays the same old hand as before? You MUST be prepared to take some type of action, Zew! Enough with the talks!

I believe Dingo made a very good point about the evidence you gathered. What do you plan to do with it? You just want to have something as proof to stck in her face,trying to force her to admit her A. That is what it all boils down to.....and what has been eating away at you this entire time. So, if she tells you to believe whatever you want.....then what will you do? It can be difficult to force her to admit an A or to it end. You have to have some kind of leverage. Even if she admits it.......what have you got other than an admission.

Starsky knew what would hit close to home for his WAW. Plus, he did a fantastic job at bluffing at how much proof he had. However, he was not all talk. He was prepared to carry through with action. That is the main point you need to realize in your stitch.

I don't usually encourage exposure unless the wayward W has refused to end the A.......and the M is clearly headed for D. I don't see exposure as a solution (in itself) to fix the M. It is telling the truth to chosen people that she had been lying to. Or, you can expose the A just between the two of you. But it won't cause her to fall into your arms when you do it. I doubt it will cause her to break down and repent right then & there. There is a good chance it won't end her waywardness.....and she may leave at that point. Which is okay as long as you know it could go either way.

So yeah.....go ahead with confronting her with solid evidence of her unfaithfulness. But you better have a plan for further action........for Zew. And don't tell what all you are going to do.

And I am moving on. I guess I'd like her to understand my reasoning, and that she has something to do with it and some choice in the matter, rather than just have her wonder why I'm out without her, or call me an a$$hole that's trying to make her life miserable because he never loved me, etc. etc.

I don't understand what you mean here. Is this part of your reason for wanting to expose? Whether it is or not, do you think that telling her these reasons will matter to her? You are speaking as if she were the girl you M. She's not.