Scorp - i don't have kids so my insight into this may be worthless but one thing I see in your post above is that you feel that fighting over the kids is the worst thing that can happen to them.
I can agree that if you fight about them, in front of them or use them to play off against your wife, you are doing them a great disservice. However, if you fight for what you believe is right for them in an honest, fair and 'professional' manner, solely between you, your wife and any legal entities that need to get involved, i think you are doing them a great service.
I agree with Mach that your wife is doing this. Whether you agree with her conclusions or not, she is in fact doing exactly what you should be doing.
Me:38 W:39 No Children BD: 5/13 EA/PA Confirmed: 7/13 W Moved out 12/13