Spoue tried I didn't, now opposite #2

[JFun51]

I have read back through your posts and keep seeing the recurring theme of anger. One of your posts that really struck me was when you talked about not going out and doing fun things with W and kids because they would enjoy themselves better without you. I am assuming this became the norm for your family?

I know the feeling. In my sitch, I worked and kids were with W all the time. She carried them to and from school. She made all the parent-teacher conferences. She was uber involved. I always felt alienated and left on an island in my own family. Resentment grew because I worked my a$$ off to provide a life for her that she desired. W would take the kids to do things and many times I couldn't go because of my schedule or just was disinterested. I was sullen and moody pretty regularly. W and I never really argued, we just didn't communicate at all. All of the above is recipe for disaster.

I wanted everyone to be involved in my life. My experiences. Plain old selfishness. Plain old resentment because they got to have fun all the time while I was working my butt off to provide for them and take care of the house. That made JF a dull boy.

Saying all that, I know that I did what I thought was right at the time. I didn't know any better. We didn't fight, because I am not a child of conflict and just don't do it. I knew that I didn't like the state of our M for years before BD. I didn't know how to communicate properly what was wrong without creating a dispute. so I let it all go on.

And the part that all of us cannot forget is that our spouses let it go on as well. They didn't know any better either. No finger pointing and no placing blame, its just the truth. We never had the tools to do any better than we were.

Own your faults and shortcomings. Really own them. This crap is tough, man. It really is. You will find out stuff about yourself that will bring you to your knees. But you have to be willing to let it happen and really face your demons.

There will be anger, pain, regret, sorrow, frustration. Each one of these has their place in your journey. Each one will serve you as well. Don't be afraid of any of it. You will not be sorry. Dig deep and face all of it. And I am here to tell you, some of it isn't pretty. If you aren't down right ashamed of yourself at times, you aren't even close.

Sell out to the process of becoming a better man. You will be happy, your kids will be happy, and your W will be happy. Marriage? Divorce? Separation? Don't fear any of them.